


Not Your Doll

by Marksonily



Series: Delicate Dolls [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Based slightly in the future, Drug Dealer, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Murder, Mystery, Serial Killers, This will be more graphic than the first one, Thriller, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:55:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 46,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25127341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marksonily/pseuds/Marksonily
Summary: Seungmin wanted his life to go back to normal, or at least as normal as it could get. However, plagued by thoughts of his past, he struggles to find the light to bring him home, does he manage to escape the people who made his life misery for years, or does he succumb to their will?Seguel to Porcelain Doll
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Series: Delicate Dolls [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761061
Comments: 25
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

Seungmin never thought that he would have his life back, he never thought that he'd see the light of day ever again. His dreams were filled with what he thought he would never have, ideas of a life he yearned for. He'd often fantasize about how things might have gone if it weren't for that unfortunate night at a friend's slumber party if he'd be a different person than he is now. 

He must be.

The Seungmin now has all the fear of being stalked by creatures of the night, being carried away by faceless orbs while he sleeps. Seungmin now can barely close his eyes without dresses of lace and heels with bows coming into sight. Small creaks in his room send him flying up out of his bed, afraid that he has an enemy behind the door of his closet. Even with a little over a year out of that house behind him, he still can't help but stare warily at anything strange coming towards him. 

Seungmin is cautious, more than before. With Hajoon and his father still out there in the night, streets will never be safe in Seungmin's eyes. Mr. Park has yet to resurface, and the police believe he never will, but Seungmin keeps his headlights on, knowing that the man could strike at any moment. 

Weirdly enough, Mr. Park isn't Seungmin's greatest concern. Park Hajoon equipped with a weapon and a need for revenge, scares Seungmin more than the man who violently defiled him ever would. Seungmin knows that if he ever crossed Mr. Park's path that he would be dead in an instant, which is more comforting than knowing what Hajoon would do. The budding teenager has uncontrolled anger running through him, a thirst for blood that won't be quenched until he has destroyed everything around Seungmin, finally having the brunette in his hands. 

The fear of Hajoon coming back haunts Seungmin the most, he has gotten to the ones he loves one and he has no doubt that he could do it again. He hated having to only worry his friends that night in the hospital with Hyunjin, the boys barely being able to sleep, terrified of what could happen. But Hajoon never came, and Seungmin knows he is only waiting for the right time to strike when he can have more power in his hands. 

Seungmin doesn't bring it up, the fear of waiting for Hajoon to return. It makes his mother sick and his sister more anxious for her little brother. His father doesn't say much, but Seungmin can tell it bothers him, so he stopped talking about it altogether. They want to rid the Park's from their lives and they want Seungmin to be able to forget, to go back to the happy place he once was. 

Being back there would be a dream. Seungmin would love more than anything to go back to a life where worries of being murdered or losing his friends and family to an obsessive psychopath didn't exist in the slightest. If Seungmin could find the path to ease him into happiness once again, he'd be on the fast train there. 

•••

The room looks so empty for what it used to be, memory-filled and packed. Seungmin stares at a box sitting in the middle of the room, clothes written neatly on the side in large black letters. 

Moving day, Seungmin hoped it wouldn't come this quick. 

Their high school days behind them, college is just around the corner. Seungmin promised his boyfriend that he'd help him with the move, not really excited for Hyunjin to be moving further away. Although Seungmin shouldn't be worried they are going to the same university, but Seungmin decided to stay at home, not quite ready to head out on his own. 

Hyunjin and Jisung managed to request each other as roommates, making the pair even more excited for their move into the dorms. Jeongin only managed to get the same building, since Felix decided to stay home along with Seungmin the younger of the group's parents decided to spend a bit more on a private room for him. Jeongin wouldn't have minded having an unfamiliar person sharing with him, but the idea of having his own room does sound very inviting. 

"That box isn't going to move itself," Hyunjin jokes, coming into his room to see Seungmin standing and doing nothing.

The younger turns, smiling at the boy who entered. Seungmin hadn't registered how long he's been staring blankly, but probably long enough for Hyunjin to wonder what was taking him so long with the last box.

"Sorry, I got a little distracted," Seungmin tells him. His mind has been a bit preoccupied and he hasn't been the best moving buddy. 

"It's all good," Hyunjin tells him, lifting the box up, "Jisung just texted and says that he is just arriving at the dorms, so we better hurry."

Seungmin nods, taking what feels like a final look at the room. He knows this won't be his last glance, but Seungmin can't help but allow all the memories from here flow through his head, his brain feeling like he needs to remember them all again so he doesn't lose them. He follows Hyunjin out the door and down to the car, the final box being packed in with the rest. 

"Ready?" Hyunjin's mom questions once the trunk of the car is closed. The two boys nod, everyone, packing themselves in the car so they can be on their way. 

The university is about a fifteen-minute car ride away, a trip Seungmin is soon going to have to make. He hasn't gotten his license yet, but since his sister decided not to transfer back to her former university, they will be carpooling together in the mornings. This also means Seungmin will have to stay later since she often has study groups that run late. So, maybe there is a good thing about Hyunjin moving onto campus. 

Hyunjin reaches for Seungmin's hand, giving it a light squeeze. He smiles when Seungmin looks up at him, he knows that the younger hasn't been feeling too good about him leaving, and he wants to make it better. After years of his parents having such a strong hold on him, Hyunjin needed a bit of space, and moving into the dorm was a great way to stay close, but also be on his own. He understands the fear that Seungmin has, and he plans on working on that with him, but now he just needs to focus on getting moved in, then he can show Seungmin, that everything is going to be okay.

Their hands stay linked throughout the drive. Seungmin keeps his gaze locked on the window, staring out at the different businesses that are near the university. He really has no interest in them, but it keeps him distracted from what they are in the middle of doing. Hyunjin moving further away nerves him, and he doesn't know exactly why. Probably because he won't be as close when he gets scared and there will be no one there to hold him when he can't sleep. 

Maybe it's time to give him a break. Hyunjin has driven over a countless number of nights to calm Seungmin down, waking the younger's parents and sisters. Seungmin does feel bad that his boyfriend has lost hours of sleep because of him. So, Hyunjin moving away may be a good thing, for both of them. 

He is too kind to say it, but Seungmin can sense the annoyance some nights. The tiredness in his voice doesn't help mask the annoyed tone he holds. Seungmin noticed it before but was too scared to face the dark on his own that he didn't let himself think about it too much. However, now he needs to grow up, allow Hyunjin to be on his own, and not shield him from every movement that scares him in the night. 

"So, I was thinking, we could take a walk around the campus after getting Hyunjin settled in and find your classes," Hyunjin's mother says as the car turns into the small parking lot outside Hyunjin's dorm, "wouldn't that be fun?"

"Yeah, it would," Hyunjin answers, giving Seungmin's hand one last squeeze before letting go so they can get out of the car. 

Seungmin doesn't want to think about classes. Upon return, all his work was done through testing and online schooling. He never really got to experience high school, and now he is making a gigantic leap into college. Seungmin tries to bring himself comfort by reminding him how everyone he knows will be here, and he isn't the only one heading into this experience alone. But it does little to calm his nerves. 

"I need to go check-in, so you can wait by the car while I go get my room key," he tells them, his parents nodding before he runs off. Seungmin chooses to stay back. wanting to hold off seeing the building that his friends are considering their new home. 

He is locked in between seeing this as a good thing for them and dreading it. Seungmin wants them to be happy and have this experience, but he fears that it will take them away. Felix and he may be the only ones left after the others fall in love with living on campus, creating a completely new life for themselves. 

Maybe Seungmin is being a little dramatic. He is most definitely being dramatic, but he has seen movies, how friends grow apart after high school, how relationships die because of exciting new experiences. His life is finally feeling more normal, and now he feels it is only going to go back to the lonely dark hole that it had sat in for many years. 

"Seungmin!" Jisung's voice rings through Seungmin's ears, the boys turning to see one of his friends running his way. His mom walks swiftly behind him, waving to Hyunjin's parents. 

"Where's Hyunjin?" Jisung asks once he is planted right by Seungmin. 

Seungmin points to the building that Jisung just came out of, "checking in."

"Oh, I must have missed him," Jisung comments, turning back to face Seungmin with a large smile, "do you want to come and see our dorm?"

"Yeah, but I was going to help Hyunjin move his stuff," Seungmin tells him, maybe with too little excitement.

"He has tons of people to help, come on!" Before Seungmin can get in any sort of protest, Jisung already has his wrist gripped onto, pulling him in the direction of the building. Seungmin doesn't do anything to stop him, not minding that he'll be gone for the moving of Hyunjin's stuff. It will give him a little longer to pretend it isn't happening. 

Jisung pulls him through the crowd, pushing his way over to some stairs. He lets go of Seungmin's arm once they reach the stairs, allowing Seungmin to walk up himself. Luckily, they are only on the second floor, and from what Seungmin can see, their dorm doesn't have an elevator.

There is a mix of excited boys and girls, moving in their friends and family helping them with boxes. Seungmin walks down, getting a look at all of Hyunjin's new neighbours. It would be cliché and almost absurd to be jealous of the people here, but many people meet their match in college, while high school romances go and die. 

"This is it!" Jisung exclaims, unlocking the door. The room is split by a long desk in the middle, and on each side, it has raised twin beds that have a dresser underneath. At the end of each bed is a closet for both boys to keep more clothes and storage. All of Jisung's boxes are on the ground off to one side, but he hasn't started unpacking. 

"I figured I would wait for Hyunjin before I started unpacking, that way we could decide who gets which bed," Jisung explains, "but I like it, the bathroom is just down the hall and I think Jeongin is only one floor up, but he won't be moving in until tomorrow."

It is nice and spacious, Seungmin can see why people would move away and into these. Plus, now Hyunjin and Jisung get to be rooming with one of their best friends, so that way they won't be alone during the adjustment period. 

Still, Seungmin wishes they weren't leaving, he wants them with him and for them to be together. It would feel safer that way. At least the Park's won't be able to find them here, but there is still a part of him that feels uneasy about all of this.

"There you are!" Hyunjin says, showing up beside Seungmin with a box in hand, "I was wondering where you disappeared to."

"Sorry, I wanted to show him the space, so I stole him for a second," Jisung tells him. Hyunjin waves it off, entering the room before setting his box down. His parents and Jisung's mother are behind him with more of his stuff, Seungmin moving out of the way for everyone to get in.

"How about we get everything in here and then we all go out for dinner," Hyunjin's father suggests.

Everyone seems happy about that idea, Hyunjin, and Jisung running back down to grab more boxes. Seungmin watches as everything is piled inside, he is faced with the reality of it. He will never say it aloud, but he wishes this never happened.


	2. Chapter 2

The rain will be coming back soon, the cold creeping through the damaged walls of the brittle home. More and warmer blankets will be needed to survive the approaching winter. There are still a few months ahead, but planning needs to be started soon. 

Hajoon's escape has been dying down among the police, he has managed to go the last month or two, completely under their radar. Still, he needs to be careful, take backstreets, and stick to side jobs for money. It is suspicious to see a thirteen-year-old boy out on his own, and any police officer in their right mind would pick him up. 

He has managed to stay hidden away in abandoned and depleted houses. Most don't get looked at for months at a time, Hajoon having to keep an ear out so he knows when he has to move on. He avoids homeless shelters, the people there, likely to call child services if he is spotted. So, he is on his own, having to turn to the darker areas of town to find work. It isn't hard, many drug dealers use him to deliver, people not expecting an innocent-looking boy to be up to no good, but he still has to be cautious.

It is unusual for a boy to wander around at night, and to take precautions he travels down alleyways to avoid the general public. People who usually spend their evening sleeping or doing other things in the alley pay him no mind, some just want to get a good night's rest. Luckily Hajoon has hit a growth spurt over the year, so he is able to disguise his age a little. Wearing dark hoodies that cover his face, the dead giveaway that he is a lot younger. 

Midnight is approaching, and Hajoon has waited outside a convenience store for twenty minutes. He has picked up jobs from a couple of different people, but only one has really stuck with him. Hajoon doesn't know his real name or what he is selling, he doesn't really care, all he needs is the money to survive, at least until he is old enough to get an actual job. Hajoon is hoping by then the police won't be looking in his direction any longer. 

He is never told where to meet, Hajoon only knows to wait outside this and few other convenience stores every night, and if one of his guys comes to get him, then Hajoon has a job. Hajoon doesn't mind the inconsistent job, he gets paid enough that he can afford to get skipped out on a couple of nights a week.

It's closing in on the time that tells him, he'll be out of luck tonight. This week hasn't been good for him, no work at all, and the cash he has is starting to run low. He needs at least one thing to do to get him paid this week, even if it is only a few bucks, at least it will keep him going a little longer.

"You Hajoon?" A female voice asks him. He turns around to see a woman he doesn't recognize. Zico always send someone new, but he usually rotates, so Hajoon is familiar with many of them. 

"Did Zico send you?" Hajoon asks, he'll give a name once he knows who he's giving it too.

"I'll take that as a yes," the girl says, "he's got something for you."

Hajoon nods, following the girl away from the convenience store. Zico usually meets somewhere close, so it isn't too far of a walk. But very few people actually know where he hides out. Hajoon assumes you'd have to be much closer to him to carry that information. 

They enter an apartment complex, it isn't exactly nice, but compared to the rundown places Hajoon inhabits, this is far better. She takes him up to the third floor and down the hall, door 306. There is no point it remembering the place, Zico won't meet here again, he's careful and inconsistent, it keeps the police off his back. 

She places a few knocks on the door, nothing special, Zico doesn't really use coded knocks to gauge who is there. A tall man answers, Hajoon has seen him before, he is usually always with Zico when he comes to pick up a job, but he has never heard his name. The tall man hands the girl a wad of cash, turning to Hajoon and nodding before taking her leave. Maybe she isn't with them, and they paid her to deliver. 

The tall man opens the door wider, signalling for Hajoon to enter. The boy makes careful steps into the apartment, seeing Zico sitting down on a couch, an almost villainous smile on his face. 

"Hajoon, it's been a while, how have you been?" Zico asks.

Hajoon knows he doesn't care, only asking him to seem polite. The boy has learned a lot from observing, Zico unknowingly teaching him how to get by unnoticed. In a way coming this far out, distancing himself from Seungmin, it has given him a chance to clear his mind and further himself forward. 

"Fine," Hajoon answers, short and sweet, nothing more to go off from there, that the conversation will have to die out.

Zico lets out a chuckle, his smile only growing wider, "I see more of me in you every time I see you."

"I was told you have a job," Hajoon says, really just wanting to get paid and get out.

"Eager, aren't we?" Zico chuckles again, sitting up from the couch, "it's a big one, I'm not sure you can handle it."

Hajoon doesn't have time to play these games. He has been waiting all week to get something, and now he is finally here. So, it would be really nice if Zico could just get to the point. 

"I'm willing to pay double if you can do this," Zico says his tone becoming more serious. 

This piques Hajoon's interest, double would be good for him, he could put what he normally gets paid into his savings bucket, allowing him to have more on hand for food and water. Hajoon takes a step forward, looking up at Zico and nodding, telling him that he is interested. 

"I thought you might be," Zico says, moving over to the table where his bag is sitting at. He pulls out a few photos before handing them to Zico. They are a few of a man that Hajoon has never seen, he looks to be carrying things in most of the pictures and handing the package off in a few of them.

"This is Kim Seojun, he works for a gang on the other side of Seoul," Zico explains, "slowly he has been getting tasked to head over to my territory, and I can't stand for that."

"So, what do you want me to do?" Hajoon asks, staring at the man in the photo.

"Kill him."

This causes Hajoon's attention to fly up to Zico. Sure, he has attempted it, but nothing worked, and after there was an aching, gut-wrenching feeling in his stomach. But that could also be attributed to hurting Seungmin, and this man has nothing to do with Seungmin.

"I figured it would be too much for you to handle, well I--"

"No, I can handle it!" Hajoon interjects, he can't be put aside another week, or else he will have to dip into his savings and that is going to drain him further down.

Zico raises an eyebrow at the boy. Many people thought he was insane when offering this up to Hajoon. But he has his reasons. He doesn't fully trust the boy yet, so far only giving him small simple tasks that wouldn't give him much evidence to hold against himself. But now is the time for Hajoon to prove his loyalty, now is the time for Zico to see if this kid has what it takes to stick around. 

When Hajoon's gaze doesn't falter, Zico thinks that maybe he'll be able to handle this. Of course, he won't just send him out alone, that would be a recipe for disaster. Every new person who comes to him looking for work has eyes on him twenty-four-seven until Zico can put enough trust in them. 

A small smile creeps onto his face, if this kid can pull this off, then he may have found himself a steady job. 

"Jaehyo," Zico calls out, requesting nothing, but just holding his hand out. That is enough for the other man to understand what he needs. 

A briefcase is handed to him, Zico placing it down on the table between him and Hajoon. The boys watch carefully as he puts in the code to the case, lifting it for only Zico to see. Hajoon makes sure he doesn't get impatient, not tipping his head up and around to spot what is there. He doesn't need to give Zico a reason for cutting him off with jobs and money that Hajoon really needs. 

Once he does finally turn it around, Hajoon isn't sure how to react. This is something that he has only seen in movies or a hilt of in real life. Holding and using a gun is a new thing for him. Before Hajoon goes for it, he looks up at Zico who is staring at him.

"I have a location of where you can find him tomorrow night," Zico tells him, "I want you to be waiting there, and the second you get an opportunity, stick a bullet between his eyes."

Hajoon nods, knowing that his aim will never be that accurate, but he can do his best. Zico points down to a few different parts on the gun, explaining to Hajoon how to use it and how to be careful. The last thing Zico needs is for the kid to shoot himself by mistake.

"When you are done, leave the gun in the alley, I'll have one of my guys come and pick it up. I don't want you to stick around afterward, go home and then meet at one of the places the next day, I'll have someone deliver your payment."

Hajoon knows it's probably not a good idea to question his plan, but he's curious and the words slip before he can fully think about the consequences. 

"Why him?" Hajoon asks, seeing the look on Zico's face, forcing him to clarify, "I mean, why not just kill the leader, why just a delivery guy?"

"I don't need to run another gang off the road," Zico surprisingly answers. Hajoon has asked questions before and every time he was shoved to the side and told to keep quiet. So, now that Zico is actually answering, it's surprising. 

"I want to send a warning, that they and everyone else needs to back off my turf," Zico explains, "so when you're done, just leave, I'll have a few guys finish up the cleanup."

Zico locks up the case, giving Hajoon the code before handing it to him. The boy doesn't stay long after that, Zico telling him to head home for the night. Hajoon assuming that they need to get out of their so they can give the inhabitant of the apartment their space back. 

Hajoon complies quickly, not wanting to lose the chance of this job. He tries not to think about what the actual task is at hand, only focusing on the money. He is afraid that if he thinks about it too much it won't go well and the man will only end up in the hospital with a minor wound, much like his first attempt.

•••

It's late when Hajoon reaches the alleyway. He pulls his hood more over his face, walking down the sidewalk. His gaze wanders before letting himself divulge into the dark alleyway, heading in deep until everything has been swallowed by the dark. 

He decided to crouch behind a dumpster. A drug deal is about to go on here and Hajoon knows how careful people are, he takes the time he has to pull out the gun, putting the silencer on it. He places the briefcase on the ground, making it look like some trash that is here, as not to raise suspicion. 

There is enough room between the outside of the building and the dumpster for him to squeeze himself into, hiding until he can't get a moment to pop out and finish the job. It is a little tight, but if he can time it well, then Hajoon can start creeping out enough to make it easier when he has Seojun alone. 

Hajoon closes his eye, taking a few breaths. He tries to ignore the putrid smell of garbage and other things that he doesn't want to identify. He was instructed to go straight home after this, and he knows Zico will have people watching him, so as soon as he can, he needs to find a place to bathe and get everything he feels sticking to him off. 

He doesn't know how long he waits, but when he finally hears footsteps, he has to keep a breath of relief from releasing. The steps stop at the edge of the dumpster, if Hajoon peeks his head around slightly, he can see the back of the tall person who has entered the alley. He can't assume it is Seojun, but right now that is his best guess. 

Another few minutes go by, they need to wait for the buyer to come and go. Hajoon certainly can't have anyone seeing him. Although an addict hopped up on drugs wouldn't be the worst thing ever. 

"Seojun?" is heard from a bit away, "Jun is that you?"

Hajoon holds his breath waiting for an answer.

"Yeah it's me," the man closest to him says. Now Hajoon knows he has the right person. 

A few footsteps are heard, from the person entering the alley. Seojun stays planted where he is, allowing the buyer to come to him. 

"You got it?" The buyer asks. Hajoon can practically hear the withdrawal symptoms in his voice. If there is one thing, he has learned from this, don't ever do drugs, even if you're in the business of it.

"Yeah, it's going to be 70,000," Seojun says.

"What?" the buyer questions, "it wasn't that much last time."

It's quiet for a second until Seojun speaks up, "What can I say, his prices have gone up. You don't have to buy; I can just leave--"

"No no, I've got the cash," the desperation in his voice is sad, and Hajoon hopes he never has to see someone in his life get into drugs. God, the image of Seungmin being hooked and only having a dependency on that one thing. It would kill him.

But he knows he can't be thinking about Seungmin right now. Thoughts of the boy will invade him and distract him from the task at hand. He has a job to do, he reminds himself that if he saves up enough, then he can be with Seungmin, he just needs to be patient. 

Adrenaline runs through his body when he hears the people say their goodbyes, the sound of cash being shoved into Seojun's hand, and then Seojun stuffing it into his pocket comes into his ears. The buyer rushes out of the alley with all the subtly of a jet rushing overhead. They're a bit eager to get home and have their fix. 

Hajoon moves, slowly creeping out of from behind the dumpster. Seojun lingers behind a bit, to avoid suspicion from anyone hanging around. It won't do anything, everyone knows what's going on, but they don't care, they have their own lives to worry about. 

Getting out fully, Hajoon stands seeing how Seojun is slowly making his way towards the exit but is nowhere near it.

Perfect, he thinks.

"Seojun," Hajoon calls, getting him to turn, and the moment Hajoon catches a glimpse of his eyes, he fires, sending one through his head. Seojun drops to the floor, blood leaking out of the wound. No one will come for him, so surviving will be impossible.

Hajoon places the gun back into the case before heading out of the alleyway. He can't help but stop at the body for a second looking and the dead man on the ground. There is something inside him, he can feel it creeping up. All fear has rushed away. Hajoon isn't able to put his finger on it until he is out of the alley.

Joy, excitement. A rush ran through him when he pulled that trigger. And to be honest he is sort of sad that it is over.


	3. Chapter 3

Seungmin sits in Felix's room, the fading blonde hair of the other boy resting in his lap. The younger's finger card through the other's hair, Felix's eyes drooping closed from the relaxing feeling. Seungmin has been here all day, practically both boys needing a little time to themselves to relax. Much like Seungmin, Felix is feeling a bit nervous for classes to be starting. Which is happening in a few days now.

As it gets closer, the more Seungmin is wanting to cancel everything and sink into a hole. He considered doing a semester filled with only online classes, but his parents were encouraging him to branch out a bit. Now with it being just over a year, they are encouraging social interaction, wanting Seungmin to push himself, now that his physical injuries are mostly healed.

Maybe this will be a good thing, maybe Seungmin will just have to wait and see before he decides that this is the worst thing ever. Felix isn't too far off from where Seungmin is feeling, hating the idea of moving on. He just finished high school, and now he feels that he has to start over from the beginning.

There are a few more elements to Felix's stress though. Like many in the area they live in, the university is common among the students here. All of his friends and his friend's siblings go here, which means people that Felix is currently avoiding is going there.

"Have you talked to him?" Seungmin asks, trying to avoid a name because of the unfortunate circumstances. Things may have been getting better for him, the recovery going a lot smoother than he thought. But for some of his friends they suffered and had things worsen.

Jeongin had a time where he was rather distant with people, sneaking off and nowhere to be found. He insisted that he was fine and nothing was going on with him, but everyone knew otherwise. Felix is currently having his struggle. He never wanted to open up, afraid of what could happen, and even with proper encouragement, he had things ripped apart, searing pain not leaving his side for a couple of days.

"No," Felix replies shaking his head. Seungmin hasn't brought it up with him very often, he can tell that the blonde is in some pain and doesn't want to discuss it right now. But every now and then, he'll ask an easy question, something that if Felix wants to add additional information, he can.

Normally Seungmin wouldn't push it, he'd leave it at that and allow them to go back to sitting in silence. However, Felix has pushed off talking about this for so long, Seungmin can't help but see if a little nudge would get him there.

"Maybe he's waiting for you to make the first move," Seungmin suggests, "wanting you to reach out to him."

Felix shakes his head again, "he's texted, I just haven't replied."

Well, that certainly changes things. Seungmin can't be mad at his friend, the blonde is going through something. But Seungmin thought for a while that Changbin was just ignoring Felix, choosing to put off talking about the issue, now it seems that it is the other way around.

Seungmin sighs, continuing to run his fingers through Felix's hair. He is deciding not to push it any further if Felix hasn't brought it up now, then there is a good chance he doesn't want to be talking about it at all at this moment.

"Don't give me that look!" Felix whines, Seungmin looking down at Felix with complete confusion.

"What look? You can't even see me!" Seungmin exclaims.

Felix pushes himself off of Seungmin's lap, the younger's fingers leaving his hair, "I can tell you are judging me."

Seungmin raises an eyebrow at his friend, tilting his head to the side.

"I am not judging you; I get that you don't want to talk about it right now so I'm not pushing," Seungmin tells him.

Felix is sensitive, he doesn't like it when people are angry at him. Sometimes he can hit it right on the nail and start profusely apologizing for every act he has committed in order to find the right one. Other times, like this, he is very far off. Seungmin can't be mad at him, because he is pretty sure he'd be doing the exact same that Felix is.

The other is hurt, and sometimes ignoring the problem for as long as you need is the correct way to go about it. Yes, Felix is probably pushing to the side a little too much now, but Seungmin isn't judging.

Felix looks down his eyes showing the hurt he has been holding on for months now. He can't blame him, Changbin took Felix through a whirlwind. He got the opportunity over the summer to go abroad with a group of students from a couple of different universities in the city. This was huge for him, heading over to the U.S. to intern for music producers, it was Changbin's dream. Chan did it about a year ago and highly encouraged Changbin to, telling him that it is nearly a once in a lifetime opportunity.

It was hard on Felix, the two were getting closer, and talking about putting more of a label on it. There was somewhat an unspoken label, but the boys were still careful, not wanting to put too much stress on it. Senior year was a dream for Felix, Hyunjin said it was the happiest he had seen him in a while. His friends were back and he was working on something real and important to him. It picked his spirits up so much, that Hyunjin actually managed to pull him back into dancing, something that used to make him incredibly happy.

Seungmin only hopes that Changbin's mistake won't make Felix fall back into a slump. Seungmin doesn't know the exact story, but he does know some of the events that took place. The students there end up spending a lot of time together, and they end up getting super close, Chan still has people he keeps in touch with.

But Changbin didn't just meet friends, he developed a connection that shot off something unexpected. Sexuality was rarely discussed between Felix and Changbin, the younger had no idea that Changbin identified as bisexual, so at first, hearing what happened confused him. But later, thinking about it, it only crushed him more, thinking about how Changbin didn't trust him as much as he thought he did.

Changbin and a girl from the trip ended up getting super close, a few make-out sessions in and that is when he decided to tell Felix. Seungmin wasn't there for the call, but the aftermath made Felix refuse to get out of bed. Felix felt like he'd been shot in the heart, they may have not had an official label, but it still hurts. If it was a casual thing, maybe Felix could look past it, but no, Changbin specifically told him that he liked this girl and he was having a hard time sorting out his feelings. This is Felix's nightmare coming to life.

The older is back in Korea now and Felix has done everything he can to avoid him. His friends, guarding him the best they can. However, this isn't going to be able to last much longer, at some point Felix is going to have to talk to Changbin, whether he likes it or not.

"Am I a bad person for this?" Felix asks, his eyes cast down towards his lap, thumbs fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

"No, of course not," Seungmin answers, he really hopes no one has actually said that to Felix.

Seungmin notices the tear that dribbles down Felix's face, the younger, pulling the blonde into him. Felix buries his face into Seungmin's chest, the younger securely wrapping his arms around the blonde's body. He hates what this has done to him, Felix barely has it in him to smile, and Seungmin remembers when Felix was the happiest boy in the world.

If Seungmin had it in him, he'd beat Changbin to a pulp. But he barely knows the other, and Seungmin isn't very fond of violence.

The younger rubs soft, comforting strokes up and down Felix's back, letting the older cry it out. Sometimes you just need to let everything out before you start to feel better, so Seungmin hopes that this will make Felix feels a lot better.

"Ignore him all you need," Seungmin whispers, "there is nothing wrong with that."

This emits a few choked sobs from Felix, Seungmin continuing to coax him through it. The younger is glad to be here with him, finally allowing him to let his emotions drain. It's hard to discuss these things, Seungmin has a hard time with it, but he is glad that Felix finally found it in him to open up the smallest bit that he did.

"Maybe I'm not meant for this," Felix says, muffled by Seungmin's shirt.

"What?" Seungmin asks, gently lifting Felix's face.

"This," Felix gestures his hands around, "Changbin proved me right, well proving himself wrong. I'm not meant for love."

"Felix, don't say that," Seungmin tells him, his eyes falling with sadness.

"It's true, some people can do it, look at you, Hyunjin and Jisung," Felix says, "so much has happened yet you can still jump over those leaps, while I can't. This is why I tried and keep Changbin out of my life, but I wasn't strong enough and I let him hurt me."

Tears pool out of his eyes, which causes Seungmin to hold his friend tighter. He wishes he could make all of Felix's pain magically disappear, but he can't. Seungmin wishes he could go back in time and slap Changbin in the face the moment he messed up, but he wonders if that would really do any good.

The older knew how much this would hurt Felix yet he did it anyway, distracted by hormones and something someone might label as love. Seungmin doesn't really understand what would push Changbin into doing this. The simple thought of hurting Hyunjin makes him feel sick, he would never want to see anything bad happen to him.

"You are loved," Seungmin states, hoping that the words will sink into Felix and make him feel that he is not alone and has a world of support, "even if Changbin leaves that won't change, there will always be people who love you."

Felix moves closer to his friend, wrapping his arms around Seungmin, it's taken as a thank you and Seungmin continues to softly rub his hands down Felix's back. He wants the blonde to know that he is here for him, that he has no plan on leaving him. It can be scary thinking that you have no one and Seungmin doesn't want Felix to feel that.

The boys eventually reposition themselves, Felix curled into Seungmin's chest. Felix cried himself to sleep, which Seungmin hoped would happen. He isn't sure how much sleep the older has been getting, so he hopes this will be helpful.

Seungmin's phone vibrates beside him, the brunette reaching behind him to grab it. He sees a couple of texts from Hyunjin pop up on the screen. Smiling he places his thumb down to unlock his phone, clicking into the messages.

**Hyunjin**

>How are things at Felix's?

>I just finished unpacking here, do you want to see a picture?

**Seungmin**

He's asleep now, he's having a bit of a hard time. But yeah, let me see :) <

**Hyunjin**

{Image attached}

>Jisung and I tried to make it look nice, but my guess is it won't stay like this once classes start  
  


It looks nice, really nice. Seungmin thinks it will be a good place for the boys to stay even if he isn't too thrilled about it. He is glad that Hyunjin is happy and that is all that matters.  
  


**Hyunjin**

>I'm going to go grab some food with Jisung. Give Felix a hug for me.

>I love you <3

**Seungmin**

Will do. I love you too <

Seungmin clicks his phone off, setting it to the side again. He wraps another arm around Felix, resting his head atop of Felix's. He plans on staying for dinner, so getting a little rest won't hurt. He is sure that someone in Felix's family will wake them when it is time. So, he closes his eyes, keeping Felix close to him as he lets himself sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are going to be a little slow in the beginning, but we'll get to more drama in a bit.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Hajoon wakes up in a sweat, the nights becoming a little more difficult to sleep in. His dreams are filled with unwanted images of his parents, his little sister running in and out. It's been a couple of days since the murder and even though he was paid and should push it out of his mind, he can't stop thinking about the lifeless body in the alleyway. 

Zico was impressed, not sure if he was going to actually be able to do it. But with the task completed, Hajoon hopes this will be an entryway into higher-paying jobs because the boy would really like to get out of here sooner rather than later. 

Wiping his brow, Hajoon lays back down, it is still early, the sun not evening peeking into the windows. He would try and fall back asleep, but it is no use, he's up and ready. His heart pounds in his chest, the way it does after a nightmare. His family wasn't doing anything, they were just sitting and staring, but that must have been enough to send Hajoon into panic and wake up. 

His head hurts, but he tries to put it to the side. His mind is too active, his parents showing up in one moment and death in the next. He wishes that he could settle it with the snap of his finger, but unfortunately, he doesn't have that ability. Even now, after being thrust into the real world, thoughts of magic come through his mind, the want to have certain abilities, the want to fight crime with magic. But Hajoon knows he would be no superhero, not after everything that has happened. 

He lays on his side, resting his head on his arm. He wonders where his father and sister are, mainly out of curiosity. The last thing he wants is to see them again, fearing that he would have to endure his father's anger once again. Hajoon assumes they are long gone, the police's search for them still heavy. He wonders if they are still doing what they used to if another boy is being locked in a basement or an attic. Hajoon would hope not, they don't have their mother there to regulate the abuse, Hajoon often wonders if Seungmin would be dead if his mother's obsession with keeping him beautiful wasn't there.

The young boy's stomach growls, aching, and begging for food. He didn't have time to eat last night, and he is beginning to feel the regret from it. He is sure he could walk over to a twenty-four-hour convenience store and pick something up, but it would be odd, people can see how young he is if he doesn't disguise himself properly and he doesn't enjoy walking around trying to hide his face all the time. A small part of Hajoon knows that people don't care, they aren't going to ask questions, but he also fears that one of these nights he will walk into someone who does care and does gain the attention of the authorities. 

So, Hajoon ignores the nagging feeling from his stomach and keeps himself on the semi-comfortable padding of the many blankets on the floor. 

•••

Zico never seeks him out, he always has Hajoon wait for him late at night. But today, Hajoon discovers one of Zico's own standing outside the abandoned building that Hajoon is currently staying in. He was told to follow and Hajoon complied, confused by the daylight meeting, but a job is a job.

So, that is how he ended up in the wine cellar of a very unfamiliar area. Zico is pouring himself a glass, asking Hajoon to join him to sit. The young boy has seen Zico smile and cheerful quite often, but that was always villainous, this is almost genuine. 

Hajoon sits across from him, Zico sipping his red wine before placing it down on the table in front of him. Hajoon genuinely has no idea where this man lives or what kind of house, he would be in. So, far him sitting and drinking wine seems to be the most fitting. 

"You know, to be honest," Zico starts, "I didn't think you'd pull it off, I figured this would be your downfall."

Hajoon shouldn't be surprised, he's young, too young to admit to anyone who is sane enough to realize not to let him in on their business. Anyone would have thought that this job would have been too hard, it would have been the thing to get him killed. But Hajoon is persistent, and he knows he can't leave until he completes one thing. So, until then Hajoon is planning on staying.

"But it got me thinking," Zico states, "If you're going to be working for me, I can't risk you being out in the open so much."

Hajoon figured this job would gain him some trust within Zico's circle, but he didn't think that it would cause Zico to take him under his belt. 

"Living in abandon buildings makes you too open, anyone could stumble upon you, and who knows what could happen," Zico states, going to take another sip of his wine, "so I want to give you a place."

Hajoon's eyes double in size hearing Zico say that. If he is being honest, Hajoon won't have it in himself to say no, winter is coming and he'd rather be in secure warmth rather than the prickly cold. But Hajoon figures he is just another pawn Zico can use to guard himself, why would he want to go out of his way to keep him safe?

"You seem confused," Zico says, "no worries, I won't be giving you something glamourous, just a place to survive the winter, and guard yourself against the police a little more."

Hajoon figured it would have something to do with that. Everyone in this room has some reason to keep themselves away from the blue. But Hajoon can't help but wonder if there is another reason; if Zico is doing this with other motives. However, maybe Hajoon shouldn't search those out. Zico plans on giving him a place to stay after all, and he wouldn't want to do something to sabotage that. 

"So, what do you say?" Zico asks, "do you want to take my offer?"

Hajoon looks at him, he tries to search Zico's eyes for any deceit, but he has never really been good at that. Not everyone evil has the eyes of his parents. This could be good for him, and Hajoon could form a plan just in case Zico really is throwing him in the dumpster. A place to stay would give him better coverage and if Zico is being honest that means he has gained more trust than Hajoon ever thought he would. Higher paying jobs could be in his future and that is a very appetizing offer.

He nods, the idea sitting with him for a bit, "yeah I'll take it."

"Perfect!" Zico exclaims, "I'll have a place ready for you by the end of the week, we'll come find you once it's ready."

The men stepping up behind him, tell him that the conversation is over and it is time to leave. Hajoon has a few days to figures out everything that could go wrong and how to get himself out of the situation if needed. Zico is the kind of person that would cross another, but Hajoon figured he'd only do that if he was crossed first. But still, Hajoon needs to plan and to be careful.

•••

Hajoon leaves the building soon after Zico and he finishes their conversation. It went everywhere Hajoon never expected it to go. On one hand, a place given to him would protect him from the public eye, no one could just wander in unannounced thinking that no one would be there. Leaving abandons houses behind would offer him more coverage, but it also allows Zico to know his whereabouts.

Although, Hajoon is pretty sure that he had that figured out from the beginning. Zico likes to be careful about the people he works with. Hajoon figures that as long as he does nothing to cut into Zico's business, he'll be fine and be able to get by smoothly. 

Hajoon doesn't lift his hood up over his head as he'd usually do. The sun is out, and he wants to avoid as much suspicion as he can. He walks quickly, wanting to get home as soon as he can, but he knows he'll have to stop by a convenience store to pick up a small bite to eat, then high tail it home. Hajoon never liked being out in the day, he always felt so exposed. The night always suited him much better, being able to blend into his surroundings and pretend that the night swallowed him for no one else to see. 

He steps into the store, going straight to the back to grab a bottle of water, some juice too. His diet mainly consists of snack foods, but that's what he can afford and a trip to the grocery store doesn't sound like a normal thing a kid his age would do, so he avoids it. Hajoon hasn't exactly had a conventional life, so he isn't sure what is normal for other teenage boys, so he is mainly guessing as he goes along.

Hajoon steps into the small line only a few others in front of him. He picked up a few of those packaged sandwiches, the flavour and texture aren't great, but it's food. His eyes stay in front of him, looking at the back of the person ahead in line. He's ready to go home, ready to sit and be alone in his quiet abandoned home. Hajoon hopes that Zico won't provide him with a roommate, because the boy has gotten quite used to having his own space. 

He still has a hard time wrapping his head around it. Hajoon isn't exactly sure as to why Zico would want to do this, but he is choosing to just go with it. If he gets him a place, maybe larger jobs will be available to him. And the more money that is brought in the sooner Hajoon can see Seungmin.

A laugh breaks him out of his small trance, his eyes immediately going to the door of the store. Two men enter, friends, laughing as they walk in. Hajoon's eyes stay on one of them as he walks through the store. His soft brown hair is familiar and captivating. He has a kind smile and soft skin, tall and small at the same time. 

Hajoon can't help but stare, he can't help but only think of Seungmin when he does. He can easily replace the face, ignoring the off details and seeing Seungmin with him. If only he was the real thing, if only Seungmin were actually here, life would be so much easier. They could be happy together; they could protect each other. 

When he stares at this random boy in the convenience store, it only makes Hajoon yearn for the older more. There are days he wished he never helped Seungmin. Even though the older was in so much pain, at least they were together, at least Seungmin was there and Hajoon got to be reminded just how beautiful he is every day. 

The store owner calls to him, Hajoon not realizing that the line had been moving forward. He apologizes and steps forward, placing hit items on the counter for the owner to scan. His things are bagged and Hajoon knows he should step out of the store, but he isn't quite ready to leave the boy behind. 

Hajoon leaves stepping off to the side so no one in the store would be able to see he is still there. The shop owner wouldn't care, but Hajoon has always felt the need to stay in the shadows. He waits for the beautiful boy and his friend to finish up, so he can get one last look before having to head home. He does, seeing as the two walk to their car. He gets a long look at his face, he may not be Seungmin, but Hajoon can pretend. 

"That boy would look perfect in one of my dresses, wouldn't he?" His mother's voice rings in Hajoon's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a reason Zico has taken a stronger liking towards Hajoon, but we'll get into that later.


	5. Chapter 5

Seungmin stands at the edge, waiting until he has enough courage to step over. He can see the busy sea of people ahead, and it makes him more inclined to step back into his sister's car. She waits for him a little ahead, knowing that he is having to deal with a lot of nerves about his first official day as a college student. 

It's a good thing they both decided coming early was the better option, both of their classes still having an hour until it starts. Seungmin should just let her go on ahead, he isn't sure he prepared himself well enough and he feels guilty about having her wait for him to calm himself. Maybe taking online classes in his first semester would be better. But he is here and he can't go back now. His friends and sister are waiting for him, he knows that he needs to step over.

"Take my hand," she tells him, reaching out, "we'll do this together."

Seungmin nods, allowing his sister to grip his hand and gently tug him forward. She wraps her arm around him when he finally is next to her, walking beside him getting closer to the larger crowds of students walking on campus. Seungmin knew there was going to be a lot of people, and most of his classes are generals, he knows that he isn't going to escape this. He keeps telling himself that it's going to be okay, that this is going to be good for him. 

"What's your first class?" She asks.

"Psychology 1010, in the education building I think," Seungmin answers, needing to look up his schedule again just to be sure. 

She nods saying how she liked that class when she was still taking her generals. Then goes on to talk about what she is doing for this semester. She is a biology major, so a lot of labs and weirdly named classes, but Seungmin appreciated what she is doing. Talking as they walk through the crowds, distracting him as they go on so his brain has something else to focus on. 

Seungmin knows he won't be able to get her to take him to all his classes today. That would be a very unreasonable request. He hopes that he is able to calm his nerves throughout the day and maybe he'll have a friend be able to walk with him to a class. Seungmin doesn't have a very long day, only three classes, but with an hour break in between them. This is what he gets for procrastinating on registering. 

He knows that he at least has math with Jisung, the two boys opting for a shorter class that met every day of the week, plus it was smaller and Jisung wanted to have a friend there. There was no way Seungmin was saying no; if there was a way to get Jisung in all of his classes he would jump for joy. 

Unfortunately, not all of his friends were interested in the same classes as he was. Seungmin debated just choosing whatever Hyunjin did, but the older convinced him not to. He said that it would only make the experience worse if he was in classes that didn't pique his interests. Deep down Seungmin knew he was right, but it still isn't a great feeling having to sit through most of your classes alone. 

"I can take you and show you where it is, but after that, I need to head to my own class," she tells him, "are you going to be okay alone?"

Seungmin doesn't know if he'll be okay, he is surrounded by a bunch of strangers, something he has never been able to adjust to. But if he can tune people out and focus on something else, then maybe he can slow his heart rate.

"Yeah, I should be okay," he tells her.

"Great." His sister smiles before tightening her hold on his hand and leading him to the correct building he needs to be in. 

There are several other students standing outside, each of them deciding on whether or not they should enter now or closer to the allotted time for their course. Seungmin hasn't been much of a leader for a good portion of his life and would rather awkwardly stand outside the door with the rest of his fellow classmates than be the one to enter and lead the pack.

Seungmin leans against a wall, his head falling back slightly, he misses Hyunjin. The older has been busy settling into his dorm that Seungmin hasn't gotten to see much of him. A few short text conversations have been just about all Seungmin has gotten. He hates to seem deprived and sound desperate, but ever since getting with Hyunjin, Seungmin has come accustomed to the date nights and cuddles that he knows he won't be getting for another week or so. 

They discussed putting it on hold, letting both of them adjust to their new schedules so they could plan out a night that would work best for both of them. At the time Seungmin thought it seemed like a good idea and agreed, but now he is starting to regret it. He misses movie nights and day time walks, he misses holding Hyunjin's hand and misses not having to scold himself for thinking about it too much. When he was with Hyunjin, he was present, now all he is doing is thinking about the times they were together and imagining it happening, which Seungmin sort of hates himself for.

Seungmin checks his phone, wanting to know how much longer he is going to wait before he can go in and sit down. Plus, to see if any of his friends have messaged him. They haven't, but Seungmin still goes into their conversations to see if he missed anything by mistake. He isn't sure when their classes start, but he knows Hyunjin and Jisung had planned to show Felix around earlier today, and he doesn't know if Jeongin had joined them or stayed in his dorm until his class was about to start.

He knows they have plans to meet up around lunch, all of them having an ample amount of time to grab a bite to eat, but Seungmin still has to get through two classes before then, which is a lot longer than he wants to wait. At least after he and Jisung have math together, so they can stick with each other. 

A few people begin to trickle into the room, and Seungmin follows behind. It is a larger lecture hall, but not as large as some of the ones he has seen during his tour on campus. He moves to the side picking a seat the is closer to the middle so he can do a better job at blending in. It's an intro class, so many people will be entering and crowding, so along with being in a middle row, he chooses an outer seat, so he won't have too many people around him. 

He pulls out the desk attached to the seat, placing his laptop atop of it and opening it to a new set of notes. He isn't sure if they will actually be getting into lecture material today or if they will just be going over the syllabus, but he prepares it just in case. 

It isn't long until the hall is filled up, the voices of people drowning so no actual words can be made out. Seungmin looks around, several people beside him that have the potential to start a conversation, but he keeps his head down, trying not to spark any attention. He does this for most of his lectures, wanting to stay invisible and uninterested to the people around him. 

Maybe it sounds dumb, but Seungmin isn't looking to start any sort of friendship his first year here, he isn't really looking for anything. Getting through his classes and surviving is all he needs, nothing new piques any interest. 

•••

Seungmin walks out of his History class, it going about the same as psychology did. He kept quiet and made sure to keep his eyes either on the teacher or his notes. He did get a few smiles and 'hellos' people new just like him and looking to make friends. Seungmin was friendly but made no effort to continue any sort of conversation after that. He feels a little bad, but then again, he isn't sure any effort by him would be of any good to the people trying. 

He pushes it out of his head, for now, heading to the dining hall so he can meet up with his friends, the part of the day he has been looking forward to the most. Hyunjin messaged him earlier to remind him but made no other effort to converse. Seungmin was a little sad, but he also knows that Hyunjin is excited about his first day and is probably doing the exact opposite of Seungmin and putting in the effort to make friends. Maybe Seungmin shouldn't look so negatively on this experience and be more like his boyfriend. 

Seungmin sees Felix and Jeongin sitting at a table outside, the sun is out and it is warm spot makes sense to try and embrace the last few weeks of summer before the chill of fall hits. This may be the first time Seungmin has smiled all day, finally getting to see people he is comfortable around. Unconsciously, Seungmin picks up his pace, hurrying over to his friends, both of them smiling brightly and waving to him once he gets closer.

"Hey Min, how have your classes been so far?" Jeongin asks as Seungmin takes a seat in front of them.

All Seungmin does is let out a sigh, it's not that they've been bad, but Seungmin has been a bit overwhelmed all day. 

"Okay," Seungmin replies softly, trying not to bring the mood down too much. He knows his friends were excited for today and happy for their new start, Seungmin doesn't want to ruin that with his anxiety. 

"How about you guys?" Seungmin asks, "how are they for you?"

"Good!" Jeongin says excitedly, "my professor for art history is super nice, she is also really funny."

Seungmin is glad that Jeongin is so excited about his classes, he wishes that he could share some of that. The two turn to Felix, silently gesturing to him that it is his turn to share. 

"Long, a little stressful," Felix answers, "but they aren't bad."

"It's okay, it's a new experience and it will take a bit to adjust to," Jeongin tells them.

Seungmin hopes he's right. He would love to be able to enjoy this experience and find all the good things about it, but that is sort of hard. He wasn't able to step foot into the high school, every time he thought about it, his body would ache and his mind would race. College is even bigger, being here is hard, but he is trying his best to get back to a normal life, however that may look like. 

He knew a year wouldn't be enough time, and for many things, it isn't. But his parents and therapist have been really encouraging to reach out and try things that appear easier, such as taking in-person classes and trying to form deeper relationships. Which in all honesty, he isn't doing a great job with, unless it was with someone, he had a relationship with prior to his kidnapping.

It isn't long until Hyunjin and Jisung are joining them at the table, Jeongin smiling and waving once more once he spots them in the distance. Jisung rushes over, taking the seat beside Felix, the very slightly older man wrapping him in a hug as though they haven't seen each other in forever.

Hyunjin joins them, pressing a small kiss to Seungmin's cheek before sitting down next to them. This is what Seungmin wanted, what he needed. Having his friends around him is what makes him feel normal, a group of people he doesn't have to explain himself to because they all know him so well. 

Everyone tells him branching out is important, that making other friends outside your initial group can help push you through your school experiences. Seungmin doesn't see a need for that, he has what he needs out of his group. Maybe other people have an easier time managing a larger group, but Seungmin wouldn't be able to. With everything that has happened, he doesn't need more, he needs people who understand him, and know what to do during some of his worse days. This is Seungmin's somewhat normal.


	6. Chapter 6

Deep inside Hajoon knew it was all his imagination, and hallucination probably brought on by stress and lack of sleep. But Hajoon indulges a bit, letting it be beside him and letting care for him the way he has always wanted it to do. Hajoon hasn't felt the loving touch, or the caring smile in a long time, so deprived, he is ready to fall into the arms of his imagination.

His mother used to only care for him, love him. But then Haeun came, and then it was Seungmin. She had so much preoccupying her mind, that Hajoon slipped through the crack, broken and forgotten. This is the mother that he has always wanted, the one to tuck him in and kiss him good night, one that would stroke his hair and sit with him when he was sad or ill. Hajoon has never felt this because his father didn't want Hajoon to be weakened by the love of his parents.

Hajoon has never hated his father more for depriving him of an essential human need. A hug doesn't make him weak, it strengthens him mentally, showing him that he is cared for and has people in his corner. A whack on the head never did that for him, he knew he was hated and unloved all thanks to the abuse and neglect from his father trying to make him stronger.

A deep sigh releases from Hajoon as his mother's long nail work into his scalp, stress instantly leaving him. She showed up one day and Hajoon mostly ignored her, not wanting to believe she was actually there, afraid of what she might do. But as soon as she gave him the motherly side he has always wanted, Hajoon became weak, too weak to the want to ignore her and allowed her to be with him.

Zico has yet to contact him, but right now Hajoon doesn't seem to care. He could live in a pile of dirt, but as long as he has this version of his mother, he'd be alright. 

"I've missed you," his mother's silky voice rings through, she is sweet and genuine with her tone, something Hajoon has always wanted from her. 

"Me too," Hajoon says, his eyes falling shut, he doesn't want her to be gone when he wakes, but this feeling and comfort of her being here is everything he needs. It relaxes him further into her as her long nails work through her hair. The light feathery touch coaxing him into sleep. 

"Good night my sweet boy," Hajoon hears before he lets himself fall, his dreams sweet and kind to him as he slumbers.

•••

When Hajoon wakes his mother is gone, and he knows that she doesn't often appear to him during the day. So, although he has a long way to wait, he knows that come nightfall, he will be back in the loving arms of his mother. 

He pushes himself to sit up in the pile of blankets on the floor, rubbing at his eyes to try and rid any sleepiness from them. It's bright out, light bashing through the windows and giving no room for Hajoon to slowly adjust to the brightness. It takes a few minutes, but eventually, he is able to function with the rays of sunlight pouring into his space. 

Standing Hajoon grabs a bottle of water and a few of his toiletries before walking down a small hall that leads to the entrance of the house. It sucks that there is no door, but this house is broken and soon to be demolished. Zico could not have offered up living accommodations at a better time. 

Hajoon squirts a little bit of toothpaste onto his brush before pouring a bit of water on it. He knows that it will be a long while until he will actually have his teeth checked, but he'd rather not live with tooth pain even if it subtracts a few extra dollars from his earnings. A sink would be really useful for this, difficult, and a little gross to stand outside and brush your teeth, having to spit in the grass and wasting water to remoisten your toothbrush. Hopefully, Zico will reach out soon, Hajoon has been dreaming about an actual bed to sleep in for a few days now, wanting so desperately to wake up in something that won't hurt his back. 

He shoves his now clean toothbrush into the pocket of his shorts, grabbing out the container of soon to be gone floss. He reminds himself to pick a pack up at the convenience store later tonight. 

His days are incredibly uneventful, he usually just keeps himself held up in the place he is inhabiting. He doesn't want to risk being seen by someone and calling the police, so he stays low, only going out when he really needs to. Yes, it would be much more interesting if he could go walk around, but he doesn't want to risk anything, and besides, he usually can keep himself entertained for a little while with just his thoughts.

Hajoon sits down on his pile of blankets, leaning his back up against the wall. At first, his mind goes to where it always goes, Seungmin. Imagining the boy right next to him, smiling and laughing with him as they protect each other from outside forces. His thoughts will often float back to the time in Seungmin's room, if only he had convinced him to join him on the road if only Seungmin's parents had given Seungmin a reason to leave. But they didn't, no one did. 

Seungmin's life was everything he wanted it to be, a loving family, amazing friends, and that dark-haired boy. Hajoon can feel himself flush red with anger, the image of that boy's face, the thought of him holding Seungmin and doing everything he shouldn't, it boils his blood.

"It's okay," her voice pops into his head, the voice that sounds so soothing to him at the moment. 

"One day he'll be yours, and one day, the tall man will be gone," she is reassuring, wanting Hajoon to know that if he waits a little longer, he can have everything that he has always wanted, he just needs to wait a little bit more.

•••

Hajoon walks around the one-bedroom apartment, it's a lot nicer than he ever would have expected. Large bed, nice couch, seemingly excellent kitchen appliances. He still is confused as to why Zico would do this for him, maybe he really is worried about Hajoon talking, or being caught which would force him to squeal. 

He ends up in the kitchen dropping down in front of the television, finally something that will keep him busy throughout his days. The large fridge gives him hope about actually getting food, although heading into the grocery store is still something, he is unsure about. Maybe he can pay someone to do his shopping for him. 

"So," Zico takes a seat beside him, "do you like it?"

Hajoon nods, but he still had a couple of questions, a big one being how exactly is he going to afford this, it what does he have to do for Zico to offer this up for free.

"How much is it," Hajoon asks, as though it is a simple answer. He isn't very old, he has some understanding of bills and payments, but there are still things that age hasn't gifted him yet.

"That isn't for you to be concerned about," Zico tells him, "I just want you to stay under the radar, from the police, and with the work that I plan for you to be doing, it's a good place for me to have for your hideout."

'Does this mean he is going to have me kill again?' Hajoon wonders. There was a certain type of rush he got with the first request, Hajoon doesn't know how to describe it. He felt elated, like he could do anything in the world, all of the power was in his hands. If Zico were to request that of him again, he wouldn't hesitate to say yes, what exactly does that say about him?

Maybe his mother would have the answers. She's not here right now, Hajoon asked her not to be when he was meeting with Zico, he didn't want her getting into his head in the wrong moments and having Zico think he's lost his mind. 

"This place is wonderful, thank you," Hajoon says, "but won't the neighbours think it's a little weird that a thirteen-year-old is living by himself?"

Hajoon shouldn't have spoken, he has never explicitly told Zico his age, all he had was that he was rather young. Maybe this is the moment Zico backs out after finding out his age, maybe it's the moment, he shoots him and them disposes of him so Hajoon can't go to the police. Would he even be able to convince Zico that he would never do that, explain his situation, or would that make him seem more messed up in his eyes?

"I've got that figured out," Zico answers, seemingly unfazed by the exact age of Hajoon.

"The girl living down the hall, she's going to help you," Zico tells him, "she works for me, and from now on she is your older sister, she rents two places to give both of you some privacy, she can do the shopping for you during the day, you'll just have to work out a payment plan with her, but for now you should be set."

Zico stands from the couch, his people already standing by the door.

"You didn't leave anything behind, did you?" Zico asks one final question, pointing towards the single bag that Hajoon brought with him.

"No," Hajoon answers, shaking his head, "this is everything."

He doesn't have much, but that's okay, here he can actually wash his little selection of clothes and not have to worry about hiding the stench and stains it has accumulated over the while he has been on his own. Gross, but he didn't have any other option, now he has a little bit of many to spend a few shirts, which might not be a bad idea, seeing as he is already starting to grow out of his old ones. 

"Well, don't cause too much trouble," Zico says heading towards the door, "and from now one, we'll come to you when we have a job, but just to be safe always open look through the peephole to make sure you know the person who is there."

Hajoon nods in understanding, watching as Zico tells his guys to head out. He doesn't say anything else, just clothes the door, and leaves Hajoon to get used to his new place. The young boy gets up off the couch and heads into the smaller space where his kitchen is. A folder catches his eyes. Atop it is a key, the one that goes to his own apartment. Hajoon will need to remember to grab that before he goes out. 

Sliding the key to the side, Hajoon opens the folder, unsure if Zico meant to leave it here or not. He probably did, the man isn't one for making small mistakes. There is a picture of a woman, one Hajoon has never seen before. Under that is a few facts, her name: Momo, From Japan, lives in the apartment down the hall, this must be the girl Hajoon has to act as though she is his sister. She seems friendly, not much like a girl who would be associated with Zico, but Hajoon wouldn't know. Sometimes people get themselves thrown into shit and it ruins them for life. Maybe Momo was one of the unfortunate souls. 

Hajoon closes the folder, knowing now that he can be sure who to open his door for. Maybe she'll drop by soon, runt heir cover story by them to put up a facade for the neighbours. But at the same time Hajoon hopes it isn't soon, now with actual comfort and entertainment, he wants a few days of rest that aren't interrupted by birds and rats running through his sleeping area. 

Hajoon takes in a deep breath as he looks around once again, this is his home. Finally, a place that he can feel warm in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is everyone doing?


	7. Chapter 7

Seungmin's first week goes basically how he expected it. He'd sink into every chair in class and do his absolute best not to be noticed by other individuals. After the first day he discovered that if he found someone with their headphones before the lecture was starting, there was a good chance they wanted human interaction as much as he did. 

The only class he can't do this for is choir and Seungmin is really starting to hate Hyunjin and Jeongin for convincing him to sign up. Luckily, he is only there two times a week, but for those couple of hours, Seungmin wants to die, the class is small and their professor loves talking to them one on one. Singing was something he did often as a kid, him and his sister playing around well she gave out some random tune on their piano, but it sort of died when he went missing. Mrs. Park would sing, but Seungmin was barely allowed to speak, so his abilities were greatly damaged, at least in his mind.

His math class finished about ten minutes ago, and since his sister has a few things she has to get done after classes today, Seungmin was just going to head to the library to get some homework done. But he has this class with Jisung, and the older male wanted to finish up his conversation with a kid who sat next to him, so Seungmin is waiting. 

All his friends have been pretty social, with the exception of maybe Felix, who is still in his adjusting phase along with Seungmin. But it feels like every day, someone will talk about the new friend in their class, and Seungmin wonders how they do it. Is this a normal thing in college? Is he supposed to be making friends instantly? He tries not to think about it, Jisung can be more on the introverted side, but if someone sparks up a conversation he can give to, he'll talk on and on. He's always been very friendly, so it's no surprise when people gravitate to him during their math class. 

Seungmin doesn't mind, he went into this with no want for new friends, just wanting to get used to being around people. He just hopes that his currents friend's social lives won't interfere with their friendship, because if he didn't have them, then Seungmin would feel incredibly lost. 

"Hey, sorry," Jisung says once he finally leaves the classroom, "he had a question for the professor and I thought it would be good to hear the explanation again."

Seungmin waves it off, "it's okay."

He is just glad that Jisung didn't take another ten minutes, then he really would have considered just heading to the library without saying goodbye. But he's glad he waited, walking Jisung back to his dorm after classes have been fun, and gives him time to vent about the day when he needs it. Plus, his sister usually meets him in that parking lot after her class and Seungmin can easily go home from there, so walking with Jisung has more than one benefit.

"He seemed nice," Seungmin comments, referring to the boy from earlier that took up more of Jisung's time than Seungmin liked. He isn't really a possessive friend, but at the same time, Seungmin does have a growing fear of losing everyone in his life. Surely, Jisung isn't going to completely stop talking to him, just because he met a few cool people in his classes, right?

"Yeah, he was, but also a little intense," Jisung tells him, "but he'd make a good study partner since he's not afraid to ask questions if you're interested in starting a group."

Seungmin lets out a silent sigh of relief, it appears he won't be losing Jisung to this specific individual. As they walk, Jisung links his arm with the taller, slowly leaning into him. He's become a lot more affectionate with his friends over the last week, mainly because he hasn't been able to see Minho, but Seungmin isn't complaining. He used to have a hard time with the physical affection, it was something he had to get used to again, but now, being able to cuddle with anyone of his friends is enjoyable.

They continue walking to Jisung's dorm, which fortunately, isn't too far from the building their math class is in, but far enough that they are able to squeeze in a good conversation along the way. Jisung talks about his Econ class which he has grown to hate over the past week. He doesn't like the professor and he has a hard time keeping up with the discussion. He has considered dropping, but he also really wants to get the credit out of the way. Seungmin doesn't blame him, it's unfortunate to be almost stuck in a class that one despises. 

When they reach the outside of the building Jisung turns so he is facing the taller, "is your sister here?"

Sometimes she's a little late and Jisung will wait out with him until she gets here. Hyunjin would too, but his dance class runs about a half-hour past their math class. 

"No," Seungmin shakes her head, "she's going to be later than usual, so I was just going to head to the library and wait."

Jisung's eyes widen as a smile forms to his face, "forget the library, you should come upstairs to my room, that way we can do our math homework together."

Seungmin really didn't consider that, mainly because he didn't want to just invite himself up to Jisung and Hyunjin's place, even though he has been told several times he's welcome at all hours. It would make their homework go a lot faster if they did it together, then Seungmin would have more time for the other work he needs to get done.

"Okay," Seungmin says, smiling and nodding before being dragged into the building by Jisung. Seungmin looks at the doors as they walk down the hall to Jisung's, he knows Jeongin lives in this building, but he has yet to see it. He wonders if Jisung and Hyunjin have. 

The thought is dropped once he finds himself standing in front of Jisung's door, the older unlocking it before allowing Seungmin to step in first. It still looks clean and organized, which is a surprise for two boys living together. Jisung jokes about them having maybe another week before their clean dorm looks like a complete mess and Seungmin can't help but choke out an agreement. 

The younger places his bag on Hyunjin's bed, before climbing onto it. He knows the other won't mind and Seungmin hopefully won't be here too long after Hyunjin gets back from dance class. While he waits for Jisung to be ready, Seungmin pulls out his phone, texting his sister where he is and that he'll wait for her until she is done. Jisung jumps onto his own bed, pulling out the math homework that he promised the younger they would do together. Luckily, Jisung doesn't have much else to do after this and can have a nice relaxing weekend before things get more hectic with school.

"I think we just have to do the homework for the first three chapters," Seungmin speaks, "and I think he gave us a list of which questions to work through."

Jisung nods, grabbing his laptop so he could go through the canvas page to look for the list. Their teacher may assign many homework chapters at once, but he doesn't pull too many questions for the chapter so it rounds out and makes it much easier for them to get done. Since the first chapter was an introduction, they barely have any problems from there, the bulk of them coming from the last chapter. 

They work in silence, able to get through the first and half the second chapter's question before needing to ask each other for help. If there is one-part Seungmin didn't understand, Jisung usually did and vice versa. If they ever found themselves completely stuck, they'd look in the back of the textbook, to try and figure out how to work the problem to get the answer. 

Three more questions to go and the boys are interrupted by the door opening, revealing a partially sweaty Hyunjin. At first, he is surprised to find a guest in his dorm but smiles once his brain registers who it is. 

"What are you doing here?" Hyunjin asks, presently surprised to have his boyfriend here.

"Hello Jisung, how was your day today? My day was fine," Jisung says jokingly, knowing that Hyunjin ignoring him wasn't on purpose.

Hyunjin smiles, shaking his head at the younger, "hello Jisung."

That seems to satisfy Jisung, so he can go back to doing his work. Hyunjin walks up to Seungmin who is still looking up, ignoring his almost finished math homework for the time being. He pushes past the fact that Hyunjin is sweaty and needs a shower before lifting up his head to receive a kiss from his boyfriend. 

"Is your sister going to be late tonight?" Hyunjin asks, already guessing the reason Seungmin is hanging out in his dorm.

Seungmin nods, "yeah, so I'm stealing your bed for the time being."

Hyunjin smiles, placing another kiss to his forehead this time before backing away to his closet. He grabs out a pair of clean clothes and his shower items. Before turning back to his friends.

"I'm going to head and take a quick shower," He informs them, pointing his finger in Seungmin's direction, "don't leave without saying goodbye."

"I won't," Seungmin reassures, he has only been here about forty minutes maybe, so Seungmin is pretty sure that he has at least another hour and a half until he needs to go. 

Once the door is closed and Hyunjin is gone, Seungmin focuses back onto his math homework, wanting to bust out these last few problems so he can submit them and be done with it. He and Jisung are able to trade-off, Seungmin knowing how to do some of it and Jisung knowing how to do the rest, they boys able to complete it in a short amount of time. Both of them grab their laptops, heading to the canvas page so they can submit it, finally completing their first homework assignment before heading into the weekend. 

Seungmin puts his math textbook away, pulling out the psychology reading that is assigned for Monday. He prefers the psychology homework the most, a lot of it is reading then taking a small reading quiz before the class begins on its allotted days. Seungmin likes it, because reading is simple and easy for him, he can go back over if he finds a question on the quiz that is a bit confusing, he likes it. History is the worst for him, usually, their teacher has them do readings as well, but instead of quizzes, it's mini papers over the weekend, which he knows is only going to get worse as the semester continues. 

"Have you talked to Felix recently?" Jisung asks, causing Seungmin to pause at his reading and look up at the other.

"Yeah, we both did." Seungmin tilts his head in confusion, "at lunch."

"I know that, but I meant about Changbin," Jisung clarifies, "I just ask because I saw him on campus today, and it made me wonder how Felix was holding up."

Seungmin hasn't talked to him about since before school started, knowing that Felix isn't too keen on talking about it right now. He is still processing and the other hasn't been in the mood to discuss anything going on in his mind. Seungmin has tried to respect that boundary, knowing that hopefully Felix will come to them when he is ready to discuss it, so they don't have to force it out of him. 

"No," Seungmin says, shaking his head lightly, "I don't think he's ready to talk about it."

Jisung nods, "I get it, but with him not talking about it, and Minho not telling me anything that Chan has said, it's left me almost entirely in the dark. I want Felix to know I'm there for him, but I would also like to know the whole story."

Seungmin knows that Felix has told bits and pieces of what went down. His friends have a summary, they know what happened with Changbin and what the issue is about, but the detail have been left out in the open. Felix not wanting to talk about everything that was said, and the little things that happened. Seungmin has done his best to leave him be, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't in Jisung's boat as well. He wants to know the full story. 

•••

Cool air from the open window creeps in, smothering the day time heat in a matter of minutes. Felix's skin prickles every so often but doesn't want to risk closing the window only to be woken up in a pool of his own sweat. He buries himself further into his comforter, trying to block out some of the cold air, trapping himself in just enough warmth to be comfortable. 

It's still early, but Felix was doing work non-stop from the moment he got home, wanting it done before Saturday came. Now he's tired and wanting nothing more to lay in bed and look through his phone until he finally feels himself drifting to sleep. But it seems that his life outside of his room doesn't want him to sleep. A text from Jisung, one from Chan, and a couple from the person he wants to be speaking to the least right now. 

He hasn't bothered to open any of them, not in the mood for interacting with others right now. Although, replying to Jisung would probably be a good idea, just to let the other know that he is alive and just ignoring the world right now. Chan is iffy, he hasn't been wanting to respond to him, because he knows what his living arrangements are, he and Changbin went in on a place together close to the university. So, Felix has been less inclined to talk to him.

Felix huffs out a sigh, it's nine at night, he tells Jisung he's okay and turning in for the night, he knows the other won't bother him after that. After, he flips to Chan's chat.

**Chan**

>Will you please answer my calls

Felix chooses to not respond; he'll text him sometime over the weekend or not at all. Hopefully, Chan will pick up on the fact that he doesn't want to talk to him right now. If he doesn't, he'll just have Rachel distract him while Felix tries and figure things out. 

Another text comes in from Changbin, even with no responses over the past few days he has still texted him, not giving up on trying to talk to him. Felix should probably tell him to leave him alone, but that would require responding, and he'd rather not give Changbin more incentive to keep texting him or attempt to call him. 

**Changbin**

>Felix I need to talk to you   
Aug 21, 8:13 am

>I'm back, can we please talk?   
Aug 23, 4:32 pm

>Classes start tomorrow, I want to see you   
Aug 30, 6:10 pm

>Felix we need to talk!   
Today, 11:12 am

>I'm on campus, where are you? Let's talk   
Today, 1:10 pm

>I hope you have a good night   
Today, 9:16 pm

Felix's eyes wander over the texts, he really should respond. Tell Changbin that he doesn't want to him talk right now and he wishes he would leave him alone. But a part of him like knowing that Changbin is trying, at least it shows that he cares in some way even if it is only a little. 

However, every time that comes to him, the thought of him texting that girl is brought up. What if his texts to her are sweeter? What if they have more meaning? The care and love that Felix thought Changbin had for him are almost dwindled down to nothing when he thinks about that. 

He squeezes his eyes shut hoping that the image will go away, he doesn't want to know what he sends her, how he talks to her if he cares more. It only makes it hurt so much more than it already does, so talking to Changbin is out of the question. At least for right now.

Felix shut his phone off, putting it on the charger on his nightstand. He takes one last look at it before shaking his head. He needs sleep and if he responds then all of that will be lost. Turning over, Felix tucks himself into the blanket, shutting his eyes and breathing to calm himself to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Saturday morning, Changbin finds himself on the couch in front of the TV. He doesn't turn anything on, but he holds his cup of coffee and stares at the black screen. His phone is placed on the couch next to him, anticipating any new texts, jumping at it each time it vibrates slightly. Usually, it's a random notification that Changbin doesn't need to get, or when it is a text it's not from the person he is wanting to talk to.

This morning he was hoping to wake up to a text from Felix, but to his disappointment he got nothing. Changbin has tried to be respectful of the younger's boundaries, only texting him to try and convince him to talk, not going to his house and making him talk. But to be honest, Changbin is starting to think that might be his only option at this point.

He knows that he messed up, and he knows that the younger is hurt. But the only way they are going to solve this issue is if they can talk it out. Felix being so adamant about avoiding him makes it impossible for Changbin to have this necessary conversation. He's tried to get Chan to talk to him, but Felix isn't responding to him either, they even texted his older sister to see if she had anything for him, but he isn't talking about it with her or anyone in the family. For a second Changbin thought he could go through Minho, maybe convince him to talk to Jisung, but the older shot that down quicker than Changbin could suggest it.

"I'm not using my boyfriend just because you fucked up," Minho had said to him. Changbin hates it but he understands, it wouldn't be fair to him or Jisung if they did that.

Changbin isn't sure if he'll ever be able to reach Felix or if the younger is ever going to be able to come down for a brief second to hear him out. He already knows that for the second of calm there is going to be another, larger storm. He isn't telling Felix he ended things, he's telling Felix he wants to figure out his feelings. He met someone that he likes, but he feels that he also likes him and he wants to be sure of who he wants to be with before moving forward with anything.

He understands Felix's hurt, the sense of betrayal, but Changbin can't help to want and put himself in a good light. It's selfish and he recognizes that, but he never actually cheated on Felix, they weren't even official, and that was due to Felix's request. Changbin had wanted to make it official wanted to call Felix his boyfriend, but the younger wasn't ready for that and he understands that. But because of the greyness of their relationship, it puts them in a difficult spot, although he didn't cheat, he betrayed a part of Felix's trust and Changbin needs to figure out how to fix it.

"Staring at a blank screen isn't going to make it better," Chan's voice comes from behind him, Changbin doesn't bother to turn back, he can see the faded figure of the other through the screen.

"Well, I don't have anything else to do, Felix refuses to talk to me," Changbin says, bitterness lacing his voice.

He could explain everything if the younger would let him get two words out, but now he won't give him the time of day. Changbin is frustrated as well as worried, he doesn't know what's going through the younger's mind, plus he can even get a second to explain himself.

"Maybe telling Jia to stop texting you, so you can focus on Felix, will help," Chan suggests. It's a bit selfish as well since the older isn't particularly fond of the girl. She's cute and nice, but Chan just doesn't get a good feeling when he's around her. Maybe it's because his loyalty will always reside with Felix.

Changbin turns to glare at the older, Chan throwing his hands up in defence. He doesn't want to stop talking to her, she isn't the problem. The fact Felix is refusing to talk to him is, and the longer the younger waits the worse it is going to get. Even if things didn't work out with the younger the way he had hoped, he always wanted to stay friends, but that isn't going to work if Felix avoids him for the rest of his life.

"No, right now she is the only one keeping me sane," Changbin comments and Chan can't hold back his eye roll, luckily his roommate had already taken his gaze away from him.

Chan has tried his best to stay out of it, only speaking when someone has done something incredibly out of line. For instance, when Changbin confided in Chan after what happened with Jia. Chan was so close to running over to Felix's and spilling everything he had just heard, but he didn't, knowing that Changbin had to be the one to say it.

After the younger found out, Chan has tried to talk to him, but Felix has ignored everything sent by the older. Probably because he knows that he lives with Changbin now. He wants the two to talk, but if Felix isn't ready then it is something Changbin will have to accept.

"Well, have you at least told her what is going on here?" Chan asks, moving over to the fridge to pull out the container of apple juice.

"Of course, I have," Changbin tells him, "It wouldn't be fair if I kept this from her."

Chan knows he barely has had time to truly get to know Jia like Changbin has, and maybe if Felix was out of the picture entirely then Chan would be a little more open-minded about it. But Changbin knew, even if they weren't officially together, he knew that this would hurt him. He didn't tell Jia about any of it until it was too late. Chan hasn't completely shown it to Changbin, but he's angry and disappointed. Felix doesn't deserve to be put through this and if Changbin would have been honest in the beginning then maybe he could have prevented a lot of the hurt he caused.

Jia doesn't deserve this either, Chan can only imagine how she must feel. She's being pulled along, but never sure if Changbin is going to allow her to stay. She knows there is another person in the picture, but yet she doesn't just leave. Maybe she has a lot of hope that in the end Changbin will stay with her and their meet-cute during the summer will be a fun story to tell over the next few years.

Either way, Chan doesn't see this ending well. Someone is going to get hurt and he just hopes that Changbin has a way to let them down easy. Maybe he won't have to maybe Felix or Jia will be strong enough to cut him off. Sure, it gives Changbin the easy way out, but at least Chan won't have to watch this any longer.

\---

"I'm going to kill him," Rachel fumes, she hasn't been able to get Felix to open up much, but from what she had gotten, it has only made her angry. She doesn't know Changbin very well, only remembering the occasional meeting when they hang out with Chan together, but other than that, she really only knows him as her brother's friend.

"I'll help," Mina chimes in, just now being caught up on everything that is going on. She doesn't know Felix or Changbin very well, but she is willing to stand beside her best friend and help her out to defend her brother.

They take a seat outside the cafe they just ordered coffee from, Chan and Minho sitting across from them. It's been a while since they've all gotten together, the summer being a bit hectic for them all, that finding time to hang out wasn't easy.

Mina went back to Japan to visit her parents, leaving her completely unavailable while the other's spent their summer working as much as they could. With school starting back up and their schedules having more room to sync, they are able to get back into a groove of seeing each other again.

However, it is a bit unfortunate that the first time they meet up, everything isn't calm and wonderful like they had hoped.

"What was he thinking?" Rachel questions, "how could he think this would go well?"

Chan wants to avoid saying anything, knowing that Changbin is being eaten up by this, but he also agrees with Rachel. He couldn't have thought that this was going to go well for him unless he simply wasn't thinking at all. Which being told what happened, is entirely possible.

"He and Felix seemed to be doing fine," Mina had pointed out, the boys at their closest before she ended up heading home.

Rachel nodded, "It's like he completely forgot about Felix as soon as he left the country, thinking that he'd have no consequences for his actions."

Mina shakes her head. She had hoped to come home to hugs and amazing stories from the summer, only to be very disappointed. She's glad nothing too terrible happened, but also saddened to know that her friends didn't get to experience an amazing summer as they deserve. 

"What does Jisung think about all this?" Mina asks a question Minho can't seem to escape.

"Nope." Minho shakes his head, "we are leaving Jisung and his thoughts out of this. I've already had this discussion with Changbin, I don't want to drag him into this, Jisung has enough to deal with."

"Isn't he already a part of it?" Rachel asks, "I mean he is friends with Felix."

Minho nods, "yeah, but Felix isn't exactly talking about it and Jisung and the others aren't pushing him to talk. So, no Jisung doesn't exactly have things to say about it."

It's mostly true. Jisung knows the basics, but with Felix not wanting to talk about it the details go unsaid. So, although Jisung is frustrated with Changbin, he doesn't have much he can rant about since no new information is popping up. And besides, with what happened with him over the summer, Minho would prefer his boyfriend not focus on this situation right now.

However, he happens to know Jisung isn't going to do that. He's going to drop everything going on in his life and focus on Felix. Minho can't exactly stop him from doing that, but he has tried several times to convince him. At least while Felix isn't speaking on that matter.

"I've tried to get him to talk to me, but he refuses," Rachel says, "I don't get it, it's like he is trying to protect Changbin."

"Well, he does have feelings for the older," Chan says, "maybe those are keeping him from lashing out, at least for now."

It's something Chan actually hadn't thought about until now. Felix has been so quiet when it came to Changbin. He had shown that he was hurt, but barely shows his anger towards the older. Maybe he doesn't want to or maybe he isn't. Staying quiet would be easier than having to explain to people that he isn't mad at Changbin when he probably should be.

But Chan and many others don't like that. They want to believe Felix is dealing with some shock that he is trying to work through. Everything came at him so suddenly that he doesn't know what to say because his brain is still processing, and although it's likely and the one people want to believe, there are still many other explanations for why Felix is choosing not to talk about it.

"I hope not," Rachel says, "I don't want Changbin to get off easy just because Felix loves him."

It's a statement that shouldn't surprise Chan, the two have been together for a while, even if it was unofficially. But he has never heard it leave anyone's mouth, the word love was never thrown into the pot because no one was actually sure. But if it's true and Felix does love Changbin, then this situation just got a lot harder to fix. 


	9. Chapter 9

"Annie?" Seungmin calls, his sister takes a minute to answer and before Seungmin can form the syllables to call her by her Korean name, she is turning around, a slightly frustrated gaze pointed at Seungmin. 

Ever since moving back to Korea, she wanted to go by her English name, preferring the way it sounded, even with the accent everyone had when pronouncing it. Just like Seungmin, she managed to hold on to her English abilities, even if there was rarely use for them. She will often talk to Felix in English, or Chan during the occasional time they hang out. Annie wasn't really apart of the group, they all went to school together, but she never connected and hated the idea of intruding onto their friend group. So, she kept to herself and eventually drifted further away, that the thought of them didn't hang as heavy with her.

Seungmin remembers when Annie declared she would only respond to her English name; he had been a little jealous of the attention she had earned. There was about a week that Seungmin had debated going by his own one as well, but then he met his friends and they had gotten accustomed to calling him Seungmin, that he thought it would be too confusing to suddenly switch. 

It's a silly memory now, two kids wanting to seem cool, but after a while calling her Annie became natural. She wasn't doing it to be different, it just became her name. Seungmin doesn't remember how she discovered it, how she came up with it, but their short time in the U.S. made her fall in love with the name and from there on out, it was something that became her. 

"Can you help me with something?" He doesn't usually speak English with his sister, but now older and now used to switching back and forth with Felix, it occasionally slips. 

She nods, lifting her hand to motion him closer. Seungmin does so quickly, holding his laptop in his arms as he gets closer. He's too tall for her to see the screen, so as soon as he is close enough, Seungmin drops to his knees, so she can get a better idea of what he is asking. 

"I needed to write a small essay for History and I was wondering if you could proofread it?" He asks her, his sister nodding and taking his laptop from him.

"Yeah, I just need to finish this assignment up and then I'll get to yours," she tells him, setting his laptop to the side of her desk, "I'll come and get you when I'm done."

Seungmin thanks her, glad that he saved that assignment last and doesn't actually need his laptop for his assignments anymore. He lifts himself up and leaves his sister's room, closing her door so she doesn't have another small thing to stress about. Annie is truly a sweet girl, the sweetest you will ever meet, but she always gets unnecessarily stressed when it comes to school. Even if the homework is easy, she always is a bit on edge and prefers to be left alone, so Seungmin tries to give her space, but this is needed and he doesn't want to bother his parents who are needing a few true days off. 

Heading back to his room, Seungmin gently pushes the door, it's not fully shut, but it still blocks people's view when trying to look inside his room. Climbing onto his bed, Seungmin pulls out his phone, nothing new popping up. It is a Sunday afternoon, so he assumes no one is busy, but like him, they are taking a break and that also means a break from talking to people.

Seungmin leans back, his pillow giving his back a cushion against the headboard. Scrolling through random apps and looking through random video's passes time, but barely. He hates the idea of having to go back to classes tomorrow, knowing that his days will only get longer since Annie's study groups and club meeting will be starting to get a little more hectic. Luckily it means more cuddle time with Hyunjin, but he still doesn't really enjoy spending time on campus.

At least classes coming tomorrow will give him something to do, instead of sitting around and doing absolutely nothing. He enjoyed doing that Saturday afternoon, where sitting on his bed and not even staring at his phone brought him joy. The pleasure of letting your brain do nothing has died out though and now he is wanting at least something small to occupy his time. 

He debates texting Jeongin, he hasn't heard from the boy in a while and he is curious as to what he is up to. There was a time over the summer where Jeongin would seemingly disappear for a few hours during the day, it was odd, but he always seems to have good reasoning. Now it seems to be picking up again, and Seungmin has yet to visit the younger at his dorm. 

Seungmin knows he could just be overwhelmed and busy with school. Jeongin did open up about needing time to escape when things got too much. Seungmin remembering hearing about late-night escapades well he was gone since everything seemed to pile up and all he needed was few hours under the stars before things felt better. However, that doesn't stop Seungmin from being curious or slightly worried, he hopes Jeongin is okay and doesn't want the younger to feel as though he can't come to his friends for help. So maybe a small text would be a good idea. 

It doesn't take much convincing before Seungmin is shooting him a quick text. Just asking the younger how he is doing since he hasn't heard from him in a while. Lunches were often quiet, but he still would speak to them. However, as soon as classes ended seem to go silent, no one being able to get a hold of him. 

Now all Seungmin can do is wait, hoping the younger texts back and gives him something that he can focus on to drain his boredom.

•••

Jeongin's phone buzzes a few times to notify him that he has a message. It being placed on his bedside table, the wood allowing the sound to be heavier and more prominent. It isn't difficult to pry the wandering hands off him as he pushes himself slightly away from the other, lips a deeper colour from previous activities. 

"It's Seungmin asking how I'm doing," Jeongin says, unlocking his phone so he can text his friend back.

"Ah, it's almost as if he knew you getting into trouble," The other chuckles, hands running up the younger's thighs. 

Jeongin pauses in his text so he can take a moment to slap the hands away. He isn't sure why he puts up with it, but he knows that when he is alone with him things feel okay. There was a time when where he told himself nothing would ever happen with Sunwoo, and for a long time, nothing did. He got through senior year with the occasional hang out and the attempts the older made at him, but Jeongin resisted. 

But near the end of the year, something flipped. Jeongin saw Sunwoo in a much more pleasing light. The older, fixing himself up slightly stepping away from his crime-riddled buddies for a minute to get certain parts of his life together. Sunwoo may only be living on a salary that can you can get with a high school degree, but it's better than what he had before. Besides if he pushes himself enough and works hard, he can move his way up the ladder slightly. 

Jeongin doesn't know what it was, but something made Sunwoo stick out, made Jeongin wanting more. So, one night when he needed to escape, he didn't go skulking around abandoned buildings he went straight to Sunwoo's apartment that the older got as soon as he could afford. It was small and on the edge of the good parts and bad parts of town, but it was something to keep him off the streets. 

That night things changed between them, Jeongin didn't mind the flirty remarks or attempts at touching him. He allowed them and he allowed Sunwoo to take things further, and although Jeongin didn't enjoy the feeling he had afterward, he didn't run, Sunwoo didn't judge. They were able to talk and Jeongin felt like the older was actually listening.

So, things changed, but Jeongin wasn't about to tell his friends about him. Mainly, because telling the story of how they met and why Jeongin kept him around would freak them out. So, they kept it a secret, Jeongin sneaking over to Sunwoo's late at night and returning before his family would be awake. Now that Jeongin has space to himself it's easier for them to be together, even if it is more out in the open. 

With the text sent, Jeongin places his phone back on the table. He smiles softly at the older before leaning back down, connecting their lips. At first, it felt weird, Jeongin wasn't sure if it was enjoyable, but after a bit of uneasiness, things felt better. He was new to it all and Sunwoo took it slow with him, nothing more than kissing and an occasional less than innocent touching. And that is how Jeognin intends for it to stay, at least for now, not comfortable moving things any further. 

Jeongin's hands move back to Sunwoo's hair, clutching at it while the other's hands move to his lower back. This is what Jeongin enjoys the absolute mindless situation. He doesn't have to think about school or family, all his worried washed away for a bit so his body can take a second to relax. He never thought it would be Sunwoo to provide this, he hadn't wanted that in the first place, his feelings never reaching further than maybe a friend, but feelings for another really can change. Jeongin likes Sunwoo, likes how gentle he is even though he seems rough around the edges, likes how caring he is even though people avoid him for seeming heartless. Things are easy when he is with Sunwoo, and Jeongin hopes that one day he will be brave enough to share these feelings with his friends. 

"You okay?" Sunwoo asks, pushing Jeongin back a bit. There is a tinge of concern in his voice. Sometimes he'd halt everything just to check on him, something Jeongin sometimes likes. Other times when he really doesn't want to pause to think about how he isn't okay he'll snap, almost immediately after feeling guilty. 

"Yeah, just thinking," Jeongin answers. There are days when things invade him, things that not even Sunwoo can take away for a few hours. But usually, Jeongin doesn't let it get to him, he'll seem a little distracted, but with enough effort, he can pretend that the nagging in the back of his head isn't there. 

If it were any other day Sunwoo would have left it at that. He would recognize the slight uncertainty in Jeongin's voice and realize that now isn't the time to be discussing it. Sunwoo would have continued and tried harder to distract the younger, even if he could feel just how out of it Jeongin was. 

But today he doesn't leave it, today he needs to say something. Months of this and Sunwoo's feelings only grow deeper, despite Jeongin not allowing him into his life beyond this. He still wants to show the younger that he can be here for more, a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen to worries.

Jeongin can recognize the look, it's one Sunwoo has given him before. He hasn't seen it for a while, the older halting it's used when they started seeing each other, but today it's resurfaced. The look shows him that he isn't buying the small lie Jeongin has given him, it's a look that almost demands the full story to be brought up front, and although Jeongin can continue to lie and Sunwoo will be able to do nothing, there have been times where it's worked and Jeongin will spill everything the older wants to hear. 

But can Jeongin really talk to him about it? Sunwoo has heard about his friends but has yet to meet them if Jeongin will ever let that happen. Sure, they are friendly and understanding, but Jeognin isn't sure they's be very accepting of this, considering how he met Sunwoo. It's been a while and Jeongin has little fear that Sunwoo will hurt him, but his friends are likely not to have those thoughts. He can hear the disapproving comments and see the disappointed looks, so he isn't ready. Not to open up to Sunwoo about it and certainly not to his friends. 

"I'm fine really, it's just some school things," Jeongin tells him.


	10. Chapter 10

Zico didn't change much for Hajoon when it came to jobs, at least not at first. With the young boy hidden better, he wanted to continue to play it safe, Hajoon doing the occasional runs for him while making slightly less money than he would be. But Zico is covering his apartment, so it only seems fair to take some off of his stipend when finishing a job. 

Although the slight shift in the amount of money he is earning did get to him at first, he has also learned not to show signs of complaints. Zico could have him killed with the slightest twinge of a finger. So, Hajoon adjusted, realizing that with this kind gesture of the older man, he is actually saving money, and in the long run will be earning more. 

Momo buys nearly all his groceries, barely allowing Hajoon to chime in on what he wants. He is still paying for them, so he figures he should have some say in what he eats. But no, he's back to fruits and vegetables, as well as cooking lessons from the girl almost every other night. He is still growing and she doesn't want to stunt that with packaged ramen and convenience store snacks for dinner every night. So, she'll splurge a bit and buy him snacks that taste good, but won't make you sick with all the sugar. 

Hajoon has come to enjoy Momo's frequent visits, she's like the older sister Hajoon wished he had, but knows could never possibly exist. If Hajoon was to have any they'd turn out to be exactly like his family, crazy and unhinged. In search of children to continue their disgusting little game. Although Hajoon will never be able to say he hated how Seungmin looked in those dresses, beautiful to anyone who gazed upon him, he can say the matter went about was undesirable. 

It's late on a Tuesday, Hajoon spending nearly his whole day alone on the couch. He flips through different channels trying to find something that he can zombie out to. He knows not to expect something from Zico today, he had a job yesterday that took him longer than usual keeping him out until nearly five in the morning. The older felt a little bad, which was surprising to Hajoon that he was actually able to admit. So now, the younger boy has the night off. However, he wouldn't have minded an extra job for the money.

His head rests in his mother's lap, Hajoon finally getting to be with her for the first time of the day. Her long fingers card through his hair as they watch the random drama on TV together, laughing at scenes his mother laughs at. He feels relaxed and although the extra money he could have earned tonight would have been nice, he does like taking the evenings to spend it with his mother. Hajoon likes how when she is here, her sole focus is on him, she has yet to ask about his father and sister, and he's glad she doesn't, wanting her all to himself. 

"Isn't he pretty?" His mother asks when one of the boys from the show pop back up on the screen. He has brown hair that has been curled, his soft skin accentuated by the light makeup. This is something his mother does often, pointing out random individuals that she deems as pretty and perfect, almost all of them having something that can tie his thoughts back to Seungmin. It's not easy to remove his thoughts from how good they would look dressed up when his mother plants them there and waters her garden every chance she gets. 

Hajoon lets her do it though, he likes it when she talks and this is a topic she will always talk on and on about. Her voice is sweet like honey and it sounds so caring towards him that he would never ask her to stop. Even if she is bringing up thoughts in his head that he's tried to bury, when she speaks to him, he doesn't mind, everything sounds and feels like it's going to be okay. 

The show ends and it doesn't make much sense, Hajoon tuning in and out during the night. He's tired and his mother's twirling his hair is only making the sleep grow more prevalent. 

"Time for bed sweetheart," she says softly, helping Hajoon lift himself up off the couch. 

He cleans up a bit, putting dirty dishes in the sink, telling himself he'll get to it in the morning. He folds up extra blankets and sets them neatly on the couch, just as his mother instructs before making his way into the bathroom. With the not so limited use of water now, he can take care of himself better, his mother wanting him to wash his face every night after brushing his teeth. He listens because all he wants is to make her happy, fearing the idea that one day she may leave. 

When she tucks him in that night, her movements seem clearer. Nights previous to this she seemed like a hazy memory, his mind slowly losing her effect, but even in his drifting he still feels the gentle touch on his skin. She is still with him. 

•••

"I want you to take out another person for me," Zico tells him when the older is sat down in his apartment. He slips a folder onto the coffee table sliding it over to Hajoon who picks it up almost instantly. He probably should have held back a bit, trying to hide his curiosity and slight enthusiasm for being given another job like this, but at the moment he didn't care and just wanted to know. 

"RM didn't seem to get the message the first time," Zico explains, "he sent another man to sell here, so I want you to take care of this for me."

Hajoon nods, accepting it instantly as he looks through the folders, trying to ignore that his mother is staring over his shoulder. He knows no one else can see her, but it still makes him nervous when she is here around other people. Wondering if any part of her is visible to anyone else. 

"He's young," His mother comments, "the same age as Seungmin, tall like him as well."

There aren't any other similarities, but that doesn't seem to bother the slight twinge of growing darkness in Hajoon's mind. Even the slightest similarities and his mind can start looking at the picture and see Seungmin. 

"Same procedure," Zico speaks, "you meet him at the drop sight and complete it there. I'll have another person take care of the cleanup."

Hajoon nods, ignoring the slight whining of his mother's wants. It's not possible with this one, Zico would never allow him to do it. The body is a message and Hajoon isn't going to risk his job for this deeply desired want that his mother is aching for. Hajoon ignores her pleas, at least for this time, looking at Zico has he places the case with the materials needed for the job on the coffee table. 

Last time wasn't hard, so this time should be a breeze. Hajoon doesn't hesitate when he picks up the case, officially taking the job into his own hands. Every direction is written out in the folder Zico gave to him, so he should be okay to head out on his own. 

"Is that everything?" Hajoon asks, just to be sure. He doesn't want to walk out and miss anything else that may have been needed. Not that Zico would have let him leave with valuable information still left unknown. 

Zico shakes his head, "just make sure you don't get caught."

It's meaningless, but it still makes Hajoon tense up. An obvious instruction, the first rule to every basic crime. But he has never heard the words come out of Zico's mouth, if he were reading a novel it would appear as obvious foreshadowing. But this isn't, this is real life, a life that Hajoon unfortunate has to live. 

So, Hajoon doesn't spare Zico much of a glance before he is walking out, ready to complete this thing sooner than later. He knows he is going to have to follow up on his mother's requests and wants, but that urge can be used here, he has to wait, so the sooner he gets this done the less risky it is to allow himself to let loose. 

•••

The night of his job, his mother insists on coming with him. Hajoon tried to convince her that staying home is better, not wanting to show her just how gruesome this can be. Even if it is one shot to the head, watching someone die isn't a sight one can get over easily.

However, she keeps insisting that she should go, telling him that she needs to be there if something were to happen to her son. Hajoon doesn't think he has ever heard her speak like this with him, he isn't sure how to feel. He loves it, but at the same time, he recognizes that the tone just a tad sweeter than usual is a way to coax him into letting her go. But damn is it working. 

"Only thirteen, I can't let you go out alone like this," she tells him moving her hand swiftly up to brush away her son's long bangs from his face. He needs to cut it again, but he doesn't exactly have time to be thinking about haircuts at the moment. 

Sometimes he forgets how old he is, the young boy feeling like an adult with how he has had to take care of himself. But with his mother here, he can shrink again, go back to being a child, even if it is just for one night. But tonight, he can't let himself be calm or relax, he has a very important job to do, one that will pay him well, one that can get him closer to the one he wants. 

"Fine, but just please don't distract me," Hajoon almost sounds like he's begging, just knowing his mother is going to try to get in his head, "this is a very important job."

"I know that," she says, almost as though she is offended that he ever assumes she doesn't see the importance of his job, "I want you with Seungmin just as much as the next person. I promise I'll be on my best behaviour." 

It's still risky to have her with him, she tends to get into his head and most days Hajoon doesn't mid. But tonight, he needs to work, tonight can't be about his mother. He doesn't say no though, he can't bring himself to, he lets her stay by his side, continuing to whisper in his ear the entire walk to the drop point. It doesn't bother him, or at least he tries not to show that it gets to him a little more than he'd like. 

Right now, he needs to focus, so he looks at her, eyes begging for her to be quiet. She eventually fades back, allowing him to hide and prepare, but still, her words are loud and echoing in his ears. She wants him to do this, she wants him to stray from his job and take things into his own hands, but he can't. Not right now, he needs to stay with the job, earn the money he needs, then soon he can do whatever his mother desires. 

There's a point where he asks his mother to quiet down when they get deeper into the night. He tells her to hide further back then he does, keeping her farther away from the individual that will walk down here in just a few moments. Hajoon doesn't have as good advantage points as he did last time. There is no dumpster that he can push out slightly to slip in between. So, he takes what he can get, a few abandoned shipping boxes and old, gross blankets to try and hide his body the best he can. 

Hajoon assumes that RM will have his people be more careful, looking around the area, before the deal, having them come armed for protection. It would only make sense, so Hajoon has to be quick, has to not think about it before pulling the trigger, has to jump out the split second he gets that chance because he knows they won't hang around and wait it out longer than needed. 

He drapes himself in the old rags discovered at the sight, Hajoon luckily small enough to be covered enough to be mistaken for a pile of dirty blankets that a possible homeless person could have left behind. The smell of cigarette smoke fills his nose, a distinct cough coming soon after, this must be it, but Hajoon won't peak his head out until he hears a second voice, knowing that their target must have searched the area already. 

It doesn't take long for a pair of, rather loud footsteps to enter, much more prominent than when the first guy came in, so Hajoon, shifts, trying to be as subtle as possible, not sure where exactly these people have settled themselves in the alley. He manages to get his eye to look out, not seeing anyone in sight so he can pull the blanket off, He already has the gun in hand, lifting himself up so he can look around the box. He sees them both, his target handing off the goods to a hooded figure. Hajoon doesn't care to see who it is, that isn't important to him right now.

He has never felt so high on adrenaline before, last time he wasn't as aware of what he was feeling until it was over, this time he can feel a weird sense of excitement flowing through his blood. Hajoon can't think about those feeling though, not right now at least. He never thought this is where his life would end up, but considering where his parents dragged him too, this seems fitting. 

Leaning back, Hajoon waits for the hooded figure to leave. He knows his target won't walk out with him, it's too risky to do so. But with the first message, Hajoon figures that these guys will leave the second he knows he can. Sometimes waiting around isn't a big risk, staying an extra minute won't be too bad, but with a target on your back, wanting to get to a more open area with a higher population of people is the safest bet. 

It's taking longer than it should, Hajoon thinks.

He can't keep ducking his head out, it would eventually get him caught, so he tries to rely on his ears, but with little happening, Hajoon has to look. He dips out just a crack, on eye glancing in the direction. He sees the pass over, it shouldn't have taken this long to get here, unless they were debating prices. 

He waits. This shouldn't take much longer, hand over the payment and leave, then Hajoon can complete his job.

But instead of seeing cash passed back, a gun is stuck towards the face of the individual. Hajoon's body automatically shoots back, pressing himself up against the wall of the building, breath heavier than it was before.

"Police!" Is shout out and Hajoon blanks on the rest, his heart is pounding so loudly in his chest, he freezes, he isn't sure what to do. 

How is he supposed to get out of this?

Every cop around the city knows his face, and he would be caught with a gun in his hand, this isn't good, this really isn't good. He was so close, just a few more months of jobs and he and Seungmin would have been out of here, to Japan or the U.S. somewhere other than here. But now he's screwed.

Did Zico set him up? Was this a part of his plan to get him caught? 

That doesn't make much sense, Hajoon hasn't done anything to prove he isn't trustworthy, he follows orders and keeps his head low. No conflict with anyone, he's quiet which is good, he isn't an issue for Zico. So, this couldn't have been him, right?

A whisper in his ear earns his attention, his mother, no longer crouched in her hiding spot. She is by a door, beckoning Hajoon over. It leads to one of the buildings and Hajoon didn't notice it the first time. It's risky, but at least it is a way out of here, and he can run, hide until he finds the perfect moment to escape. He's quick and he bets he could pull it off.

Crawling over, Hajoon is lucky it's unlocked. He's quick not bothering to check if he's been noticed. There is no time to stop for that, right now he has to run and hope that no one is hot on his trail.

•••

"What the hell happened?" Hajoon takes an angrier tone than he probably should with his boss, but with what happened at the drop site he deserves every right to be angry. 

Hajoon knows Zico isn't dumb and doesn't go around hiring every random teenager he can find. He knows the older knows him, knows his parents, is familiar with his past. It's probably why he hired him in the first place, therefore, he knows that Hajoon can't exactly put himself in the position where a cop, undercover or not is. 

The night after almost getting caught, Hajoon came straight to Zico, demanding to know how it ended up like that. If it was Zico's fault, maybe Hajoon walked into his own death sentence, but he brought the gun, planning to return it if things go alright. Planning to use it as protection if they go topside. But he knows he only has one shot, so he'd better make it count.

"I don't know, but we think it could have been RM," Zico explains, he doesn't seem too eager to try and convince Hajoon that he had nothing to do with it. But that's because to Zico, Hajoon is a child that he could toss away the second he feels like it. 

"He called it in on his own guy, probably hoping to stop you, or who knows what, that guy is crazy."

It makes sense, sort of. Maybe Hajoon is just shaken, he can't get caught and he was close to that last night. Zico doesn't have a reason to get rid of him, Hajoon knows nothing about the ins and outs of his operation, and honestly, Hajoon doesn't care. So, he takes a deep breath and nods, telling Zico that he understands or that he believes him, whatever he tells him, they're all good now. 

"Take the night off, lay low for a little while," Zico tells him, "I'll have Momo deliver your payment."

Good, all Hajoon wants right now is to lay in bed, being sung to by his mother, her telling him how everything is going to be alright. So, he returns the weapon, heading out of the room with all eyes on him. Makes sense he did barge in here no warning; guns being pulled ready to fire. But Zico stayed calm, probably expecting it. He gets into the hallway, his mother waiting out there for him.

"This is what I mean," She tells him, "if you take control, then you could do this in whatever setting you want, have everything go the way you plan."

Hajoon gets it now. The feeling of control, he's hasn't felt it very much, but he wants to and he once he does, he doesn't plan on letting go.


	11. Chapter 11

It's been a while since Seungmin and Hyunjin have had a date night, the first few weeks of school nearly eating them alive. But with a night of no homework, the first and probably last night either of them is going to get for the rest of the semester, Hyunjin has decided to take Seungmin out. At first, the younger tried to disagree not wanting Hyunjin to spend money on him, but the older insisted. He's been saving and with his, Felix's, and Jisung's birthdays coming up, he wants a moment for just the two of them. And although technically Felix's and Jisung's birthday have already passed, they still have a party waiting for them.

For whatever reason, Seugnmin lets everyone come up with something different, he no longer likes his birthday. It developed when he got back, a surprise party sending him into a fit of tears. At first, he couldn't explain it himself, he has always loved birthdays, cake and balloons, the room filled with a variety of colours. But when he finally could come up with something, he kept it to himself, not allowing anyone else to know the true reasoning.

People tried to ask him why and he did his best to push it off, trying not to give the real answer. Some relatives that weren't super close took his lie as the truth and ran with it. People like his parents and sister, already finding out so much, chose to believe it, not wanting to know any more of the atrocities their son has been through. Seungmin would actually prefer if his friends would take that route as well, that way he'd never have to bring it up, but they don't let it go wanting to know why Seungmin can't seem to stand his birthday when as a kid he loved it. 

So, after that, everyone decided that a group party for the September babies was a better idea, cheaper even. It would take away any pressure Seungmin may have felt on the first attempt. This way the parents could go all out and make a bigger celebration for the three boys, renting out a large building to accommodate each family's relatives. Seungmin sort of likes the idea, at least he can tuck himself away, and people won't keep all the attention on him for the night.

Hyunjin decided that tonight, Seungmin is his. Friday night date night for his boyfriend's birthday, then tomorrow everyone will get together and celebrate together. Hyunjin knows that Seungmin would prefer not to do anything, but the older really wants this night to be special, wants to show Seungmin that it's okay to let someone in, to let Hyunjin in. 

The older is thrilled when his mom lets him borrow her car, happy that he can finally take Seungmin on a date that doesn't involve a parent chaperoning, like the ones in middle school. Jisung is staying at Minho's for the weekend, so this leaves Hyunjin's dorm empty, giving them the perfect amount of time alone. And maybe if Seungmin is comfortable, he'll agree to stay the night. 

Hyunjin decided going overboard may only make Seungmin's anxiety worse, so in terms of dressing, he tells the younger to keep it casual. Hyunjin can't afford any restaurant too fancy, but he can afford something nice enough that the romantic aura is still there. Although it's casual, Hyunjin still tried to dress nice, opting for a burgundy coloured sweater that fits loosely on his body and black jeans. Casual, but still makes him look like he tried. 

Walking up to Seungmin's front door, he shoots the younger boy a quick text that he's here. He still decides to knock, knowing that Seungmin's parents would greatly appreciate being able to see that it is in fact Hyunjin he is getting in a car with. A nerve that Hyunjin is happy to calm. He places three gentle knocks on the front door, waiting patiently for it to be opened.

"Hyunjin, come in!" Seungmin's father answers, opening it up wide enough for the boy to step inside. 

"Thank you," Hyunjin replies walking inside, but still waiting close to the door, knowing that he is going to be leaving soon after Seungmin comes out. 

"Min is still in his room," Mr. Kim says, "I'll go grab him for you."

Hyunjin thanks him again, hanging back while he waits again. There is no rush for Seungmin to be ready, they have time to make their reservation, in fact, he made sure to show up early just in case he needed to take some time to calm the younger down. Although he is getting better, sometimes he still gets anxious walking into crowds of unfamiliar people. 

It's not long until Seungmin steps out, his father right behind him. He looks gorgeous, his light brown hair pairing nicely with the white beret. A light blue long sleaved sweater with a white shirt underneath since it's a little too cold to be going out with something cropped. Hyunjin smiles widely at him, Seungmin blushing a little when he gets closer, pecking the older on the cheek before turning back to his father.

"Text me if you're going to be out super late," He tells his son, pulling him in for a hug, "I'm fine if you stay the night with Hyunjin, but just let me know where you are."

Seungmin nods once he's out of the hug with his father, smiling at him. His mother hasn't been quite as lenient with her son's time out, she'd normally set a curfew, but thanks to some convincing from his dad, she is allowing him to handle it for tonight. Seungmin doesn't really mind how worried she is, she has every right to it, but on nights where he just wants to hang out with a friend, he needs a little more space. 

"Ready?" Hyunjin asks, once his boyfriend has turned back to him.

"Yeah," Seungmin replies, waving goodbye to his father as they step out the door. In an instant Seungmin latches onto Hyunjin's arm, trying his best to absorb his body heat. It isn't too cold outside, but Seungmin still feels it get under his skin, wanting as much warmth next to him as possible. 

Hyunjin opens the car door for his boyfriend to slide in before gently closing it. He goes around the back end of the car, stopping for a brief second, he pats the side of his pants, the item still there. He's a bit nervous, but he knows everything is going to be alright, he and Seungmin are meant for each other. 

Getting into the car, he smiles at Seungmin, going to grab his hand to give it a gentle squeeze. He pulls away, but only for a brief second to start the car, immediately going back to lacing his fingers in with Seungmin's. The younger gently allows his thumb to graze over Hyunjin's hand as they drive off of Seungmin's street and turn onto a different road.

Although Seungmin would really prefer to do nothing for his birthday, he does like that he is getting to spend some alone time with Hyunjin. With his friends having a lot going on and school being busy, he feels like he doesn't get to see Hyunjin very much. So, an evening just for the two of them is nice. 

•••

Hyunjin leads Seungmin into the restaurant, he is glad that it isn't too crowded, it will make the night much easier for Seungmin. Going to the host and telling her his name for the reservation. She nods, telling him to give them a minute to finish getting the table ready. 

"A reservation, how fancy," Seungmin jokes.

"Right, I'm an actual adult now," Hyunjin laughs. He loves seeing Seungmin smile, the younger isn't usually so bright, but there are times he can let his worries slip away and just allow himself to let go. Sometimes it's brief and sometimes it can last longer. However long it is, Hyunjin is just glad he can be here for it. 

They are seated in a few moments, Hyunjin pulling out Seungmin's chair for him. They aren't usually like this with each other, but Hyunjin didn't think it'd hurt to try and go all out. Seungmin thanks him, taking his seat with a small chuckle leaving his lips. Hyunjin helps Seungmin gently slide his chair in before rounding the table to sit opposite of Seungmin in the other seat.

"What gentleman," Seungmin comments, "I don't think I was expecting all this for tonight."

"I just want to treat you like the Prince you are," Hyunjin says, his breathtaking smile making Seungmin blush.

He shakes his head lightly at the older's comment, hiding his face in the menu as he tries to figure out what he wants. Seungmin can hear Hyunjin laugh lightly, which only makes Seungmin sink further into his menu, at least he is able to read the fine print on the menus. 

There is quite a wide variety as far as options go, and Hyunjin really doesn't know what sticks out to him the most. He isn't too picky when it comes to food, but he isn't sure which one sounds best. Usually, when he goes out, he has a couple of options in mind and if someone orders one of them, he goes with the other in hopes of getting a bite of what's on the other plate. 

He isn't concerned as far as cost goes, he's been saving up for a while in order to make this evening special for Seungmin. Small jobs he'd work as long as it didn't affect his grades were allowed by his parents. Even house chores that he'd do every week to earn some extra money, it all went towards this night. He has plenty and knows will have enough left over to go into savings.

"What are you thinking of getting?" Seungmin asks, finally lowering the menu to allow Hyunjin to see his face. The pink hue has mostly left, and although Hyunjin would love to tease and bring it back, he'd also like to be able to look at his boyfriend during their dinner. 

"I'm a bit stumped too, we could get a couple of items and share," Hyunjin suggests. Seungmin nods, agreeing to Hyunjin's idea, but they still have to figure out what sticks out to them. Seungmin wouldn't necessarily say he's picky, but he does have a smaller stomach and can't eat nearly as much as his friends can.

"We could do an appetizer and an entree to share," Seungmin says, flipping through the menu for the third time.

After a thorough look down through the entire menu by both of them, the boys settle on a couple of items, happy that they have that out of the way. Hyunjin isn't sure why, but deciding on a meal at a restaurant is always difficult, maybe he is a bit indecisive, but he still finds it weirdly stressful to pick something from a menu. 

With their orders placed and the menus out of the way, Hyunjin settles his attention back on Seungmin. The younger smiles at him, gently brushing a few stray hairs out of his eyes. 

"I know you aren't big on your birthday right now," Hyunjin says, stretching out his arms to link his finger in with Seungmin's, "but I'm really happy you're here."

"Me too," Seungmin replies, smiling at Hyunjin before looking down at their connected hands. He feels happy at this moment, good about where things are. Maybe it helps that the moment tomorrow is over, he won't have to think about his birthday anymore.

Seungmin does his best to push any negative thoughts away for their evening. He wants to focus on Hyunjin, the older doing so much to make this night nice. And although he hates this time of year, he doesn't have to hate this particular night. Seungmin can put those thoughts to the side for the time being and just enjoy how good Hyunjin is making him feel. 

•••

Hyunjin slides into the driver's grabbing his phone to pick music while Seungmin sits in the passenger's seat. Dinner went incredible, the food was good and the two boys were able to stay in their little world. Although Hyunjin and Seungmin plan on heading back to Hyunjin's dorm and settling down for the night, the older still has a couple of things planned before their date is officially over. 

The older plays a more mellow GOT7 song before turning on the car. He can hear Seungmin hum along as the boys drive and it brings the smiles that had slipped for the slightest moment back. He wishes every night could be like this with Seungmin. 

He hides it well, but Hyunjin can still see the fear and anguish Seungmin has. They don't talk about it, mainly because Hyunjin doesn't want to bring it up, he always thought that if Seungmin actually wanted to talk about it, he'd come to him. So, Hyunjin stays quiet, trying to calm the other in different ways until Seungmin is ready to come to him. 

The drive isn't long, they get through maybe two and a half songs, but Seungmin did spend a little bit of time on deciding what he wanted to listen to after the first one ended. He doesn't have a pass to park in his dorms parking lot since he doesn't actually have a car of his own. However, he is lucky enough that the church across the way doesn't have permitted parking and he is able to pull in there. It's just for the night, so it shouldn't too big of a problem. 

Hyunjin holds Seungmin's hand as they walk together, delighted that the younger decided to spend the night with him. He has offered it up before, but Hyunjin could tell that Seungmin was a little nervous by the idea. So, he decided to wait until he knew Jisung would be out of the dorm, giving Seungmin a little more space and time to adjust. Hyunjin hopes that if this night goes well, Seungmin will feel more welcomed and inclined to spend nights with him. 

He unlocks his door, allowing Seungmin to enter before him. The younger removes his shoes before climbing up onto Hyunjin's bed, settling himself against the pillows as he waits for Hyunjin. The older takes his time removing his shoes, wanting to join Seungmin on the bed, but also silently rehearsing what he wants to say. 

Taking a breath, Hyunjin moves over to his bed, sitting in front of Seungmin who has a gentle look on his face. He looks happy and content which makes Hyunjin happy. Hyunjin never thought that he'd be fortunate enough to be in this position with Seungmin, he always thought the younger would find someone better, or worse he would never see the younger again. It's not exactly Hyunjin's favourite thing to think about, so he pushes it away, wanting tonight to be wonderful in every aspect. 

"Minnie," Hyunjin says softly, taking one of Seungmin's hands into his own, "I hope you know how much I care about you--"

"Of course, I do," Seungmin can't help but interject. 

Hyunjin only smiles at him before continuing, "You have always meant so much to me and you always will. It would kill me to know if you're in pain or have no one to turn to, and I want you to know that I will always be here for you."

Hyunjin pauses for a second, taking a small circular object out of his pocket. Seungmin's eyes widen, unsure of what exactly is happening, but that doesn't stop the slightest number of tears to begin to form.

"I love you so much Kim Seungmin, and I want you to know that I will always love you," Hyunjin says, laying the ring flat out on his palm. It's silver, with a metallic polished shine. Seungmin can tell that it's engraved, but the watery eyes make it impossible to see what it says. 

"I guess this is sort of like a promise ring," Hyunjin tells him, "I wanted to give you something to look at and that way you'll know I'm thinking about you."

Seungmin picks up the ring, gently taking it out of Hyunjin's hand. He wipes his eyes before looking at what is engraved into it.

For My Love Seungmin.

"Hyunjin," Seungmin breathes out. He takes a minute to stare down at the metal, before gently slipping it onto his finger. He makes sure that it goes on his right hand, not wanting his parents to have a heart attack when they show up to the party tomorrow.

"I love it, and I love you so so much," Seungmin cries out, toppling himself forward so he can settle himself into Hyunjin's arms, "Thank you, this night was perfect."

Hyunjin can tell that Seungmin is finally allowing the tears to fall. There's a slight itch to comment, but he doesn't, not wanting Seungmin to remove himself from his embrace. So, he holds the younger tighter, bringing his warmth closer to him as they sit quietly in the comfort of each other. 

Seungmin never thought he'd feel so safe on his birthday, the years before being absolute hell for him. On his birthday the Park's treated him nearly ten times worse. They ate cake and a variety of different foods and forced him to watch well he didn't get a single thing all day. Mrs. Park would doll him up, making him extra pretty according to her. She'd buy something new, and force it onto Seungmin's thin frame, each year Seungmin would go down a size and he had to force himself not to vomit at the woman's gleeful reaction. But somehow that wasn't the worst of it all.

Mr. Park would insist on having Seungmin sent to bed early, tell his wife to take the kids out for a special treat, even though they'd have everything they need in the house. Each year she would leave and Seungmin would spend the rest of the night, either in the basement or the attic, whichever seemed most fitting to the man. Every year, he'd force himself upon Seungmin, make the younger boy cry until the stroke of midnight, when it was no longer his birthday, then he'd finally return to his family. 

This is something Seungmin chooses not to share with anyone, not wanting to bring more horror to the one's he loves. Maybe one day he'll share the true reason he despises his birthday, but for now, he isn't going to think about it. For now, he is going to be held by his boyfriend and allow himself to feel loved.


	12. Chapter 12

Naturally combining three individuals' birthdays into one will be a chaotic mess. Siblings of parents come, those parents bring their very young kids which then ensues the yelling of wanting more and more sugar. There comes a point where you aren't sure who is a part of your family and who is a part of your friends.

Jisung is lucky that only his mom's sister and her children are invited, he doesn't have much family that he keeps in contact with on his father's side. But most of them are pretty young and Jisung isn't super close to any of them. So, the small range of people he can talk to consists of his friends and his boyfriend.

"Do you have a list of names I need to memorize?" Minho asks, "I mean this is the first time I'm meeting your family and I don't want to call someone the wrong name by accident."

Jisung laughs lightly at that, "you don't need to know any names, my mom's sister already knows who you are and considering she just had a baby, she won't have time to pay attention to you, so you're safe for today."

Jisung smiles at Minho, his face slightly drained. He had trouble sleeping, the idea for this buzzing in his head all night. Sure, he has met a good number of people in Seungmin's and Felix's families, but this is the first time they will all be clumped in one space and it is causing Jisung's anxiety to kick in. He isn't only afraid for himself, but for Seungmin too. There are so many people here who have heard of what he'd gone through, but have never gotten the chance to speak to him, he just hopes that some people will recognize this probably isn't the most appropriate time or place to be discussing that.

Not everyone has arrived yet, so far Jisung has only seen Jeongin who is now running around with the younger kids. He knows Seungmin and Hyunjin will be here soon, but he hasn't gotten any confirmation from Felix yet. Jisung knows that he'll be here, his mom is making him be at his own party, but as far as the state he'll come in, Jisung is unsure.

"Relax everything is going to be okay," Minho tells him, placing his hands on both of Jisung's shoulder and kneading lightly.

"I know, I'm just worried," Jisung voices, "Felix isn't in a great spot, Seungmin doesn't love birthdays and there are so many people here, I'm just wondering if it was a mistake to do it this year."

"Yeah, it's a bit overwhelming, but this means a lot to your mom, so just think about her," Minho says, "and if you ever need a break, just signal and I'll get you out of here for a bit to take a breather."

Jisung nods, releasing a breath he had been holding for a little bit. This is going to be okay, he doesn't need to stress, even if things feel like they are going to fall apart really quickly. Maybe things will begin to feel better when the others get here, having them with him will make things easier.

It shouldn't be long until he sees the others, but the wait is only making him more anxious. Minho's thumbs still kneading into his back helps, but he can't get his mind off the negative. So many things could go wrong and Jisung is picturing every little thing. They all should have disagreed and say this was a horrible idea, but everyone had such looks of hope and as soon as Seungmin agreed, it sort of led to him and Felix agreeing as well.

Hopefully, this will be the first and last year that they try this. Not that Jisung doesn't love the idea of spending the day with his friends, it's a combination of large families and groups of people where Jisung has little escape that he isn't too fond of.

"Hey," Felix's beautiful deep voice enters Jisung's hearing range. Jisung's smile grows as he turns to look at the slightly younger man, only for it to slightly drop upon seeing him in front of him.

"Felix, are you wearing sweatpants?" Jisung asks. Truthfully, they don't have a dress code for their own party, but it wouldn't have killed him to try a little harder.

"Is that a coffee stain on your shirt?" Minho asks, pointing to a dark part on the hem of Felix's large white shirt.

Felix points an unamused look up at his friends, "I was just told I had to come, nobody said I had to look nice."

Jisung forms his lips into a tight line, trying to bite down the response on his tongue. He knows Felix is having a really tough time right now and that he isn't to be argued with, but Jisung is getting slightly concerned. The younger never wants to talk about what's on his mind, and from outside in, Jisung can see how the condition of his friend is slowly getting worse.

Maybe this is his coping mechanism and they all just need to wait this phase of the heartache out. Felix will pull himself together and start wearing clean clothes outside of his house. But Felix is in front of his relatives and other's as well, although it seems he'd be able to handle the judgement on his own, Jisung really doesn't want a random argument to break out at this party.

"You know what, I have a sweatshirt in my car that you can borrow," Minho says, "I'll just go grab it."

Jisung watches as Felix's eyes follow his boyfriend out, the incredibly unimpressed look drilled into his eyes. He can see that Felix doesn't want to be here and that this party probably shouldn't have happened with everything the way it is now. But there isn't really anything anyone can do about that right now.

Jisung shifts awkwardly, it is clear to him that Felix isn't wanting to talk about it, which is fine. But now they are getting into territory where it is hard to recognize his friend. At first, it was sad Felix, someone Jisung knew how to handle, knew how to comfort, but now he's morphed and Jisung isn't sure what to do.

"Hey, sorry we're a little late--Woah Felix, are you okay?" Hyunjin asks, both him and Seungmin stepping up beside the two boys. Again, Felix's unhappy gaze drifts towards the newly arrived males.

"I'm fine," Felix states. He doesn't leave room for anyone to respond, instead choosing to walk off towards the snack table, where his younger sister is already picking up stuff to eat. Both Hyunjin and Seungmin's eye follow him for a few moments before drifting back to Jisung and shooting him a questioning look.

"He's not fine," Jisung states, "but we're apparently ignoring that."

Hyunjin nods to his friend before he walks away. He can see that Jisung is a little stressed, which is normal, this party wasn't exactly something everyone was looking forward to. Wrapping an arm around Seungmin, the younger rests his head on Hyunjin. There was a moment this morning where they really didn't want to get out of bed, where they wanted to put this party on the back burner well, they enjoy a few more quiet hours together.

Last night was fun and incredible for both of them, which only make today seem more horrible. Hyunjin had sort of hoped that they'd all be able to find a moment to sneak out together, allowing them to have at least a half-hour away from everyone, but considering how Jisung seems a little on edge, and Felix now appearing to be a little too chill, it may result in them being stuck in this church gym for longer than anyone wants to be.

•••

After greeting a couple of family members and being stapled down for a few awkward conversations the boys manage to come back together. Everyone spots Felix at a table it doesn't appear that he has moved from since he got his food, deciding to join the other male. Jisung has seen a few people come to a sit with him, but mainly people will just say a quick hello and walk by. Maybe Jisung should have shown up in pyjamas and uncombed hair, that way he could avoid talking to people.

Minho's sweatshirt lays across the back of the chair next to Felix, the younger male choosing not to wear it. Jisung wasn't going to force him, but he is grateful Minho offered it just in case Felix does eventually want to change. Jisung takes the seat that the sweatshirt is on, Minho joining right next to him. Seungmin, Hyunjin, and Jeongin take a seat as well, Hyunjin taking the other seat next to Felix.

"Do you know when they're cutting the cake?" Felix asks, licking off a little bit of chocolate that was smeared on his thumb.

"Don't you think you've had enough sugar for today," Hyunjin suggests, his tone slightly worried. Felix is relatively small, always has been and sure as a teenage boy he can scarf down a meal meant for four, but that doesn't mean he should all the time.

Although Hyunjin tried to keep his focus on Seungmin and meeting members of his family, there were those times his eyes would wander over to where Felix was sitting alone. He watched the younger male eat cookie upon cookie, eventually going towards the chocolate fountain and filling his plate with fruits and cookies that were dipped. It's concerning watching his friend eat his problems away, but he also knows Felix's metabolism can handle the large amount he just stuffed himself with.

"Don't you think you've judged me enough today." Felix glares at his friend, right now all he wants to do is eat good food and ignore the aching feeling in his chest. Are there better ways to deal with problems? Of course, one hundred percent, but Felix doesn't want that right now, he wants simple, easy solutions that will comfort him for a minute, then he can go back to crying in his bed and blasting sad Day6 music.

"I don't see how there is anything wrong with what I'm doing," Felix adds, "plus I'm at a party, my own birthday party, I can do what I want, and eat however much I--Jesus fuck, what is he doing here?"

Felix's tone quickly changes from annoyed to panicked, his body trying to get himself under the table, but the chair not moving enough for it to be done quickly enough. Everyone's eye moves quickly from Felix to the direction he is looking at. They can see Chan, standing with Rachel and Mina, casually talking, he wasn't here before, but that wouldn't explain Felix's panicked behaviour.

"Oh wow," Seungmin comments, seeing the shorter male behind Chan, "he actually showed up." 

Changbin is here and Felix is freaking out. Everything in Felix's body is telling him to run, of all days this is the worst possible one Changbin could have taken this much initiative. Felix looks like he went on a dumpster diving spree before showing up here, he couldn't bother changing into a clean shirt.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Felix chants, dropping to the floor on his hands and knees. He isn't ready to see Changbin, much less talk to him, especially when he looks like this.

Felix pulls out the sweatshirt that Jisung's back is resting on, the older leaning forward as he looks at his friend crawl around on the floor. Felix knows if he times it right, he can run out of the room without Changbin seeing him and hide out in the bathroom, which will also give him the chance to make himself look less like a mess than he already does.

"I thought you told Chan not to bring him," Jisung says to Minho, the older looking equally as confused.

"I did," Minho responds, "I'll go talk to him."

The stands up, Felix using the coverage from Minho's legs to crawl to the next table. Felix doesn't care how bazaar he looks; he just needs to get out of this room. He needs to get to one more table to get out of this room without being seen. Maybe if he can time it when Changbin looks away long enough, then he can slip out easier.

Changbin stands behind his friend, not caring about the conversation he is in, just wanting to look around for the person he needs to talk to. He sorts of registers when Minho's voice enters the conversation, but not enough to break him away from his search. He sees Hyunjin and everyone else, so it must mean that Felix is close by. His eyes go all the way across the snack table, not spotting him there, his eyes come across to scan the other side. He's close to giving up, not spotting any sign of the other--

"Felix!" Changbin practically shouts when he spots the younger crawling on the floor, recently hidden by a few younger kids who have now run off to play elsewhere.

Felix's head shoots up, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights. Changbin can barely get anything else out before Felix is picking himself up off the floor and running for the door.

"Dammit," Changbin mutters, chasing the younger out of the room.

"Should we help him?" Jeongin asks, watching as Changbin runs out of the room.

Jisung, Seungmin and Hyunjin watch the same action, the thought on their heads as well. Maybe it would be a nice thing to go and save Felix from the man he is avoiding, but there's the small want for everything to get better, and that can only happen if Felix actually talks to Changbin.

"Eh, Felix can handle it," Jisung says. If they here an incessant amount of yelling then they can go search for him, but Jisung knows Changbin isn't going to physically hurt him.

The group removes their eyes from the door where they were originally watching their friend scramble out in a panic. He should be fine, and an emotional talk should help sort things out, even if it officially ends whatever Felix and Changbin had. At least then Felix can finally start moving on, knowing what he needs to work towards.

Jisung picks up his cup of water, taking a few short sips, his eyes wandering over to Minho has he talks to his friends. Jeongin and Hyunjin's voices are slightly muffled, his mind not focusing on whatever they are talking about. His eyes move past Minho, now looking for his mother, he hasn't seen her in a little and knows he needs to thank her for all her hard work.

Finding his aunt, Jisung looks around that area, his eyes then catching the familiar long black hair. His mother sways to the side her head dropping a bit to give Jisung a few of who she is talking to.

"Oh god," Jisung gasps out, choking on his water, a fit of coughs following him.

"Sung, are you okay?" Hyunjin asks, preparing to get up to help his friend.

Jisung shakes his head, his coughing stopping him from being able to respond verbally. But he puts his hand up to signal that Hyunjin doesn't need to help him. But much like Felix, Jisung wants to escape now. Without saying a word, he darts up from his seat and moves over to Minho. He is finally able to get a good amount of air into his lungs that the instant coughing stops, but his throat still aches.

He tugs on Minho's arm, the older looking away from his friends and shooting Jisung a questioning look. Chan, Mina, and Rachel also look over to him, Jisung's face slightly red from the water he was choking on.

"We need to go," Jisung says, "now."

He doesn't let Minho speak he just grabs him arm and tugs. Jisung doesn't want to be here and Minho is the only one with a car who can get him out. Hyunjin and the others watch as Jisung is frantically pulling his boyfriend out of the gym. They understand Felix's quick want to get away, but as Hyunjin gazes over to where Jisung was staring before, he doesn't see anyone or thing that would cause that sort of reaction.

"Wait," Jeongin says pointing to someone far over in the area Jisung was looking, "Is that Jisung's dad?"

•••

Felix pushes himself into the church bathroom, immediately making his way to the largest stall in there and locking himself in. His breath is a bit ragged, slightly spent from the short run in here, he really needs to get back in shape, but that's an issue for another day. He can hear the bathroom door open, and he knows it's Changbin, why does he have to be here? Why does it have to be now?

"Felix," Changbin calls out, his voice coming from near the door, "come on, I know you're in here, please, let's just talk."

Felix keeps quiet, he doesn't want to talk, at least not right now. He wants Changbin to go away, to leave him alone. He wants to forget about everything and have his life go back to normal, go back to when he didn't feel like someone was digging their claws into his chest.

This was a mistake, he should have never let Changbin into his life like this, he should have pushed him away like he always did. But he was so caring and everyone told him how much Changbin thought of him. It made allowing him into his heart seem easy, but it never is. Felix wants to think he did it on purpose, wants it to be easier to shut him out. He wants Changbin to say things are over and leave, at least then Felix will know it's over, he just isn't sure he's ready to hear it now.

"Please..." Changbin's voice is closer, standing next to the stall Felix has shut himself in, "let me in."

Felix feels himself sinking, his body moving close to the floor. The desperation in Changbin's voice makes him want to fall into the older boy's arms and let him know everything is okay. But it won't be, Changbin chose someone else and Felix can't just keep going back to the boy whenever he calls.

Before he can stop it, the tears that were brimming are falling onto his cheeks, a slight whimper leaving his lips before he can quiet it. This is the last thing he wanted, if he thought talking was bad, crying is worse. He feels so weak in front of him, and he doesn't want to feel weak, he doesn't want to show how much Changbin's actions truly affected him.

"Lix..." Changbin calls out, his voice lowering once again.

"Changbin," Felix chokes out, and he isn't sure he did it voluntarily. His mouth began to move before his brain could stop him. Maybe his whole body has taken over, decided that sitting here and shutting him out wasn't what was good for him, because Felix barely remembers lifting his arm and unlocking the stall.

And when Changbin has his arms around him, he doesn't resist, as much as he wants to, he allows the older to hold him. He wants this to be the sign that everything is going to be okay, but things feel different, they weren't like before. And Felix knows, deep down that this isn't his happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is early but important. With recent events I decided to go through my stories and edit them, all I did was change a name so nothing in the plot would have to be cut out. But this does mean that my stories where the character plays a larger role, may not make as much sense. This is a difficult time and as more rumours come out, it just makes me angrier, because I truly supported and trusted this individual.  
> I need a small break, something that can give me a little time to make up for my lack of energy right now. I won't be posting next week, I'm sorry but I need a little bit of time to get wind down from some things.  
> Thank you for being patient.


	13. Chapter 13

"Did you guys talk at all?" Seungmin asks Felix they walk towards the dining hall together. Coming back to school after everything that happened over the weekend feels wrong, it's almost like they need to take a break to work through everything. 

Felix shakes his head, "he just held me and when I finally calmed down a bit, my brain finally started working again and freaked out and ran, so we didn't exactly find time for talking." 

A moment of weakness Felix likes to say. But at least he knows he hasn't lost all common sense; letting Changbin in, at least for right now would be disastrous. When he got back things seem to be packing up, so Felix was quick to jump into Rachel's car and get home as soon as he could, putting as much distance in between him and Changbin as he could.

Seungmin texted him later, wanting to know if he was okay and luckily Felix was, just wanting to be alone for a few hours. The younger understood, deciding he'd tell him about what happened to Jisung later since he didn't want to add any extra stress to the other. Seungmin himself had to be filled in on what happened, he knew Jisung's dad was gone, but the older never talked about it and since everyone was still adamant about not dropping their problems on him, Seungmin had a difficult time being let in.

Walking inside, it doesn't take them long to spot the other three boys sitting at a booth. It seemed quiet, at least from here, with the absence of lips moving. The two walks over, Seungmin sliding into the seat next to Hyunjin, the older placing a delicate kiss on the side of his head. Felix goes in next to Jisung, immediately wrapping his arms around the other.

"Are you okay?" Felix asks, his voice full of worry, "I heard about it yesterday."

Jisung nods, "yeah, I think so, I'm just a little confused as to why he's here."

"Has your mom told you anything?" Jeongin asks.

Jisung's face morphs into on with more guilt than sadness, "I've sort of been ignoring her calls. I stayed at Minho's all weekend and I just couldn't get myself to pick up the phone. I'm going over after classes today so she'll at least know I'm not dead."

"But that's understandable, I mean how long has it been since you've talked to him?" Jeongin asks.

"I don't know." Jisung shakes his head, "years, I have no idea why he is showing up now."

Jisung hasn't talked to his dad in years, mainly because the younger boy refused to answer his calls for the first month he was gone. After that Jisung assumes he stopped trying and forgot about him altogether. Jisung didn't want to speak to his father, after seeing what he had done to his mother, how she could barely get out of bed in the morning, he felt angry and wanted nothing to do with him. 

The anger only grew as he realized his father was never going to come back, all his attempts to contact his son fell to zero and Jisung was hurt. He wished his father would have put in a little more effort, would have tried a little harder. The man should have known how angry his son would have been, should have known for the first bit he wasn't going to want to speak to him, but no after a few attempts, he gave up and never tried to reach him again. 

"Do you want one of us to go with you?" Hyunjin asks, he can see how apprehensive Jisung is about this. Hyunjin would be too if his father had left when he was young and randomly showed up after years of not speaking to him.

Jisung shakes his head softly, "I mean I would like that, but I feel like I owe it to my mom to head in alone, plus Minho is driving me and planning to wait outside just in case."

There is still an incredibly large pit sitting in Jisung's stomach and he has a feeling that it isn't going to go away anytime soon. There could only be a few reasons that his father has come back, and Jisung doesn't see any of them being good. So, why was his mother even showing him the time of day at the party, why did she allow him to step foot in there in the first place?

Jisung doesn't want to think about it, and if he could he'd completely shove it out of his mind. But every time he tries to think about something else, his father keeps breaking in. He keeps replaying everything that his father did to hurt his mother and him, and how Jisung swore he'd never forgive him for it, he still hasn't. 

In many ways, his mother was far more hurt than Jisung ever was about him leaving. So, seeing them talking so casually confuses him. However, he didn't exactly stay to examine what was going on, the mere sight of his father caused him to get up and run as quickly as he could. Things could have been completely different than how he saw it, maybe his mother was trying to get him to leave and not actually talking to him. 

Jisung leans into Felix's embrace, loving the way his friend holds him so gently. He needs this right now, and it seems like Felix does to with how he moves in closer. Lunch is pretty quiet after that, everyone focusing on their food, but occasionally drifting their gaze around the table to make sure everyone is okay. It's clear that everyone is struggling, either with their own things or worrying about their friends, but they still stay quiet, trying to comfort each other silently, at least for right now. 

The main thing Jisung is hoping for right now is that when he shows up at home that it will only be his mother. He really doesn't think he can handle seeing his father at the moment, especially just after running away from him.

•••

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" Minho asks, giving Jisung's hand a light squeeze. He doesn't really know much about his boyfriend's father, other than that he left and Jisung hates him. As far as what he was like when Jisung was young, Minho has heard none of that. 

"Yeah, I'm sure she just wants to make sure I'm okay, so it shouldn't be too bad," Jisung tells him, "besides if I see that he's in there, I'll just run out the door again."

He won't be there, Jisung knows he won't. His mother isn't stupid, she knows exactly how Jisung feels about his father and knows that Jisung wouldn't step foot into the house if his father was there. He'll go in, tell his mother he's okay and that he's sorry for running off, then find out why his dad chose to show up now of all times. 

Jisung is sure that his mother isn't thrilled by his arrival either and probably wants him gone as soon as possible. But she's more polite and won't run away at the sight of him. She has always been better at hiding it, at first, she was a mess then a thick skin was developed to better protect herself, now she can go by looking unfazed.

Opening the door, he feels Minho give his hand another squeeze. Jisung turns and looks at him with a small, almost reassuring smile on his face. Slipping his hand out of the older's, Jisung slides out of the car, the loud sound of the door closing coming soon after. He hates that standing in front of his house makes him nervous, he should feel good to be able to come home whenever he needs, but his father managed to ruin that for him. 

God, does Jisung hate him. Things were going really well, sure there were ups and downs, but he and his mother were doing just fine without him around. A small bubble of anger begins to form as he walks up the driveway, he wants nothing more than to punch his father and show just how much damage he caused when he initially left, show him just how much he hurt his family by deciding to walk out on them. 

Stepping up to the porch, Jisung doesn't waste a second in going for the door. If his father his here, he'd rather find out sooner than later, make it so Minho doesn't have to wait too long. 

It's empty when he opens the door, quiet and empty in the entryway. He is slow when he steps in, kicking off his shoes before walking in further. He knows his mom is around here somewhere, he told her he was coming by.

"Mom!" Jisung calls out, "I'm here!"

Glancing into the living room, he doesn't see any sign of her, she could be up in her room, but Jisung doesn't really want to climb the stairs to check. He moves down the hallway further, heading back towards the kitchen, against she isn't in here. 

"Mom?" Jisung calls out again, walking back towards the living room.

There is a moment of silence and before Jisung can call out again, he hears footsteps above him. "I'm upstairs, I'll be down in a second!"

Jisung goes back into the living room, finding a comfortable spot on the couch to sit. He feels bad that Minho has to wait for him, but is glad the older is out there just in case. He doesn't see any sign that a third person is in here or has been staying here, so he's glad to see that it is just him and his mom. Jisung would have a hard time believing that his mom would allow his father to stay here anyway. 

It isn't long until she is walking down the steps, Jisung's eyes moving towards his mother. He offers a kind smile but doesn't move from his spot on the couch. When his mother enters the living room, she doesn't take a seat, she stands a little bit in front of Jisung, making him feel small and vulnerable. 

"I was worried about you when you disappeared on Friday," she tells him, arms folding across each other in front of her. She seems annoyed, with a hint of worry and Jisung can't really blame her, he did run off without a word.

"I'm sorry," he says, he assumes she already knows why she was talking to him after all. 

"You could have called, or at least have texted me back," she tells him, voice deepening as the annoyance and slight anger bubble up, "where did you go?"

There is a part of him that wants to lie and say he went back to his dorm, but he has a feeling she stopped by and probably saw or heard no sign of him. There isn't really a reason to lie, he's an adult and can make his own choices, but he still fears the idea of her being mad at him, and her being mad at Minho. 

"I was with Minho," he says and a sigh leaves his mother's lips.

There is a slight mutter of 'of course you were' and Jisung has an itch to ask her what she means by that. It's possible her mood is worsened by his father being here in the first place and she isn't actually mad at Jisung. That is what Jisung wants to believe, but on the off chance she is actually mad at him, he is careful not to overstep and set her off. But he feels he woes her an explanation, although she should know that the sight of him would make Jisung want to be anywhere else.

"I panicked," he tells her, "when I saw him, I didn't know what else to do but run, so Minho got me out of there and we stayed at his place so I could calm down. I'm sorry I didn't check my phone, I should have let you know I was okay, but I was scared because I didn't want to see him, I don't want to see him."

"Ah Ji." His mother lets out a sigh, her cold gaze dropping. She knows how his father leaving affected him, she understands the pain because she had to live through it too. But in some ways Jisung had it worse, losing a friend and a father, something no child should have to go through. 

She moves so she can sit by him, wrapping an arm around her son and pulling him close, allowing Jisung to rest his head on her shoulder. She wants to be mad, and she is a little bit that Jisung shut her out, but she can't stay mad at him when she sees the pain he is going through. 

"I don't know why he is here, but I do know he was not there to see me," she tells him, "I don't know how he knew where to find you, or why he wants to see you, but that seems to be why he's back in town, to talk to you."

Jisung shakes his head, "I don't want to talk to him."

"I know, and I told him that, but he seems pretty determined to find you," she tells him, "so if you need to hide for a little while, that's fine, stay with Minho if you can, but don't shut me out and answer my calls."

The ending is more light-hearted, she means it, but Jisung knows she is also trying to make him smile. It works, he does smile while letting out a little chuckle. His father may be here for a bit, Jisung doesn't know why and he doesn't care to either. But he needs to remember that his mother is on his side and she always will be.


	14. Chapter 14

It just happened, Hajoon doesn't really remember much from the steps leading up to now. His head hurts and his mother's voice is in his ear, he can hear her praises and requests, and he wants to follow them all but is taken over by a bit of fear. He isn't sure if it is fear of disappointing his mother or fear of being caught with a tied-up body in an abandoned home near his apartment. 

He stands in front of the unconscious body, the male's limbs tied behind his back and lying so he is facing away from Hajoon on the floor. The urge to go out again became too strong, keeping himself from his mother's requests became too difficult that he couldn't repress it any longer. He wanted to make his mother happy, so when someone was walking by, barely able to stand on his own so drunk, he took it. 

The male doesn't resemble Seungmin in any large way, but the soft features similar to how Seungmin's own features complemented his face was good enough. Hajoon knows he can't mirror what his mother wants, he doesn't have the supplies to do so, but he can pretend for a little while that this man is his doll. Maybe he'll go out and get small things, something to appease his mother more than he already is, but for now, he is going to have to make due. 

Although risky, Hajoon did manage to slip back into his house, which happened to be an active crime scene at the time. Late at night, he was able to grab a few things that reminded him of his time there, mainly things that he saw Seungmin wearing. Hairbands and a few items of makeup, Hajoon even managed to stuff a dress or two into his bag, but he had to be quick and he couldn't take everything. 

The man on the floor is larger than Seungmin so slipping him into the clothes won't work, but a little blush and a bow in his hair can come close to a replication. Hajoon checks the cheap plastic watch on his wrist, he got it as a birthday gift a few years ago, and he is surprised it still works. But he is disappointed to see that he is running out of time. He might have a job tonight to he needs to get moving. This house has been brittle and decaying for a while, so Hajoon isn't concerned about people coming and checking it out anytime soon. 

He has already managed to move the body into the basement, keeping him tied up so he won't be able to get up the steps. Although the house has suffered a significant amount of damage, Hajoon is pleased to find out, that the lock to the basement door still works. He can keep the man here, for now, at least well he goes and work, tomorrow night he'll come by again and begin his work.

•••

It's late when Hajoon arrives home, his mind and body spent out and wanting nothing more than to fall into bed. But with the sweat lacing his skin, Hajoon knows he needs to jump into the shower before he can do anything more. Each day this job takes more and more out of him, it's good money, but it's high risk, high reward type of thing. And Hajoon no longer feels like a child, he wants so badly to go back to a normal life, but he isn't sure he truly knows what that looks like. 

This life is getting harder and he is ready to be done. But he is so close, just a little more and he can set up a decent life for him and Seungmin. He is giving the older his space, so when Hajoon comes back things won't be as clouded by his parents and Seungmin can see him for something else, not just what his father is. 

His eyes droop from the steam, the warmth of the hot shower, relaxing into his muscles. Hajoon's exhaustion only grows and he makes sure that he is quick, so he can be in bed quicker. The moment he is dried off and changed Hajoon is on the brink of passing out, his body ready to give and his eyes already having a hard time staying open.

So, the second he is slipped into his bed and his body is wrapped around by the warmth of his blankets, he has fallen into the arms of sleep.

Hajoon likes to think that nights are getting easier and, in many ways, he supposes they are, but he also thinks that his stress is just shifting giving his mind another thing to haunt him well he sleeps. His body is dead so he doesn't wake up, but the dream isn't necessarily scary either. He just sees the man that he trapped in the basement, him escaping and running and all of Hajoon's hard work lost. 

The man hasn't seen Hajoon's face, not yet at least. So, if he were to manage to slip out of the binds and getting through the locked door, then Hajoon wouldn't be someone the man would recognize. But it still wouldn't be very comforting knowing that someone was out there, that Hajoon had lost someone and on his first try too.

When Hajoon wakes, there is a bit of anxiousness weighing on his chest, he doesn't know if his dream is true and he knows he can't check right now. It's safer to wait until night when the streets are empty and the people neighbouring him are most likely asleep. So, for most of the day, he is sitting in his place nervous that something happened, that something went wrong.

"Don't worry," his mother says, "everything is fine, everything is going to be okay."

Hajoon wants to believe her, he really does, but the fear of disappointing her is still prevalent. Realistically, Hajoon should know that it would take quite a bit to get out of the ties he's done up, plus a little more to get through the surprisingly sturdy locked door. And Hajoon knows that the man is weak and has barely had anything to sustain his energy in a while, so him having the strength to remove himself from the room Hajoon has placed himself in should be unrealistic. 

But even with all of that, even with his mother reassuring him, Hajoon is still scared. Terrified that everything is going to be messed up and this is going to fail him. 

•••

Unlocking the basement and opening the door, Hajoon is met with instant whimpering. He can finally let out a breath now that he knows the other is still here. His mother was right he wasn't going anywhere and Hajoon was freaking out for nothing. She gives him a gentle pat on the back that urges him forward, now making his way down the stairs. 

The tied-up individual has maneuvered himself on his side, still unable to be very mobile since his arms and legs are bound behind him. The clothes tied around and stuck in his mouth only makes it so those desperate sad whimpers can leave him. Hajoon didn't blindfold him, he didn't see much of a point, this man won't be here long, just enough until his mother is satisfied with the work. 

When the other catches sight of Hajoon's feet, the noises increase, but they morph there is no longer that despair, and there is a bit of hope. No one suspects a young boy to kidnap and tie you in a basement, so seeing Hajoon must have brought him relief in thinking he was going to be getting out. Hajoon moves closer, kneeling down so he can loosen the gag, and remove it from the man's mouth entirely. 

It takes a moment for his to adjust and regain himself, having to fight back the urge to vomit. So, Hajoon watches as he gags on air and tries to regain his breath before he is met with the watery eyes of the individual he has tied up.

"Oh, thank god," the man breathes out, "you need to help me, do you think you can untie these?"

Hajoon doesn't move to the binds that the man is now looking at, instead, he keeps his eyes plastered to his face. His mother was always so good at looking and people and knowing just what they needed, but Hajoon isn't and he is going to need a lot of guidance. Hajoon isn't sure he would have been able to get this man in here without her help. He isn't very strong on his own, but his mother managed to point out an abandoned shopping cart that must have been stolen and left by another individual. 

Some homeless individuals can be seen walking around with these, but it's not as common, but Hajoon is going to have to blend. With his height it helps disguise his age, so he can wear darker clothes and cover his face when he moves, use his old tattered blankets to cover any existence of a body. It was difficult, but it made transport much easier. 

The man is still struggling and Hajoon knows it won't be very easy to work with him if his body is bent like this. He'll have to help him sit up and get his legs in front of him, Hajoon shouldn't have to untie him, but he'll be prepared to if he needs to. 

When Hajoon moves in closer to try and reposition the other, there is slips of 'thank you' coming out of his mouth. It's a little haunting, this man thinking that he is going to help, but in reality, he is going to do the opposite. He tries to tune him out, sitting him up and allowing his back to rest against the concrete wall, and positioning his legs out in front of him. The bag he brought with him sits over by the stairs where his mother watches, a smile on her face as she stares. 

Hajoon stands up, leaving the man to sit there as he goes over to the bag, there isn't much. Just a few store-bought items and stuff he stole from his mother. At the bottom is something that will finish off his work here, but he doesn't need to worry about that now. 

"Do you have something in there that can cut these binds?" The man asks, "they are really digging into my skin."

Hajoon turns to looks at his mother, silently asking her what to do next. He only ever watched her with Seungmin, he was never allowed to take part in the process, so this is all new to him. But with the constant pleading from the individual on the floor, it is making thinking really hard.

"It will be easier if he can't talk," his mother says, "he isn't as obedient as Seungmin, he won't just sit there for you."

She's right, he will continue to talk and move and Hajoon's work will be impossible. But he doesn't have a way to shut him up without damaging the face he needs to be perfect for him, there is already blood dripping from his head from the first blow, Hajoon doesn't need a larger mess to clean up. But he also doesn't want to lose his temper like his father and ruin the canvas he has to work with. 

Maybe if he hits him on the back of the head then the damage will be somewhere unseen, Hajoon doesn't need to see the back of him. Most of how they got Seungmin to behave was with the force of his father, but Hajoon can't do that, he needs to keep a level headed and avoid acting out like that. He needs to be better for when he and Seungmin are together. 

Hajoon takes a breath before stepping towards the other again, "I have work I need to do and that will never happen with all this talking."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I hope everyone is doing okay. I thought I would put this out there that I started an instagram to post some shorter writings. They are Kpop related, just some work that I thought was good enough to post. If you want to follow and read or just say hi, I'm @written_whiskers
> 
> Also, how do you guys feel about the pace of this story, too slow, too fast? Any thoughts let me know!


	15. Chapter 15

Felix didn't know what he was expecting when he opened the door, but he does know he definitely wasn't expecting Chan to be outside holding a bag full of groceries. The older man smiling widely at Felix who stands in his doorway dumbfounded by the fact Chan is randomly standing on his porch. Rachel is working so she couldn't have invited him and Felix knows that he didn't invite him. He's pretty sure Olivia is too busy with her drama to even think about talking to Chan, so Felix is a little lost. 

"What are you doing here?" Felix asks, he was in the middle of some homework, finally being able to understand something before the uninvited guest knocked on his door. 

"Rachel said she and her parents would be working late and asked me to come and check on you guys," Chan explains, "I wasn't sure what you had, so I bought some supplies for dinner." 

It isn't that Felix doesn't want Chan here, because the offer is sweet and Felix appreciates Chan looking out for him. However, the older does happen to live with the one man he is avoiding most out of everyone. This isn't really something he wants to be discussing with Chan, even though the older has helped him through a lot, his stuff with Changbin is a bit awkward to discuss. 

Maybe Chan can sense his hesitation, his uneasiness on the matter. How he grips the door tightly at the prospect of inviting him inside. Chan has always been able to read Felix pretty well, from anxious kid to and anxious young adult. 

"Don't worry, I didn't bring him," Chan says, "we don't even have to talk about him. Just let me be nice and make you dinner."

Changbin doesn't need to be brought up, Felix can pretend he doesn't exist for a moment, even if his roommate and close friend is standing in his kitchen. Felix had known Chan for a while, longer than Changbin has known him, so it sucks that his brain is now associating the two. Chan isn't just Changbin's friend, he's Felix's too. 

"Yeah, okay," Felix says, opening the door wider and allowing Chan to come in. 

He follows behind the older, them both heading into the kitchen for Chan to place his groceries. Felix moves to the area on the island where he was doing his work and begins to pack up. He could continue, but he feels like that would be rude to ignore the guest who is kindly making him food for the evening. 

He places everything to the side, on counter space that he is sure Chan won't need. Slipping back into a seat on the island, he watches as Chan unpacks the meat and variety of vegetables.

"Now, I'm not a great cook, but I do know how to cook a few different things," Chan explains. He and Changbin don't have much time for making meals, so usually, it's a lot of quick and easy stuff. But he does enjoy cooking, so he figures making something nice for Felix and Olivia would be worth the challenge. 

"Do you need any help?" Felix asks, he isn't much of a chef, but he doesn't mind helping his parents every once in a while, in the kitchen. 

"Nope," Chan responds with a slightly popped 'p' "I want you to go and relax, Rachel says you've been studying too hard, so go do something fun while you wait for dinner."

Felix stares at him as though Chan is kidding but the older stops pulling out groceries and stares at Felix. He motions with his head for Felix to leave, several times before Felix finally does. He shakes his head, a smile forming on his face as he makes his way into the living room. Schoolwork has been eating away in his free time lately and when it's not he's focusing on other stressful things that make him sit in his room and wallow. 

He sets himself in front of the tv, immediately going to Netflix to find something interesting to watch. It's been a while and there aren't many good options, but Felix manages to find something he can put on. He will mainly end up using it for background noise, planning to use his phone to entertain him as well, so the show doesn't need to be spectacular. 

Chan doesn't take forever in the kitchen which is very much appreciated, and after Olivia came down, surprised to see Chan in their kitchen, she was quick to complain about why dinner was taking forever. The older eventually got her to leave, Olivia joining Felix in the living room until dinner was actually made. 

When Chan finally calls them into the kitchen, Olivia is the first to jump up and run. She dishes herself up with a few thank you's before running back to her room. She is usually like this, escaping family dinners whenever she can. Felix wanders in, Chan dishing a plate up for him, while the younger settles into a seat at the island. 

"Thank you," Felix says when Chan places the plate in front of him.

The older turns back to grab himself a dish of food, hoping that it tastes as good as it looks. He's impressed with himself, he wanted to make something that both of them would find edible and he is happy to report that he might have done just that. Once dished up, Chan joins Felix at the island taking the seat next to the younger male. 

Felix hasn't felt this awkward around the older male in a while, Chan is always good at making a nice comfortable space for him. But Felix's brain likes to ruin that. There is that itch to talk about it, maybe Chan could provide some insight on Changbin and what he's going through, or maybe Changbin is acting like Felix and choosing not to speak on the matter. It makes Felix feel a bit suffocated, he knows that Chan has tried to bring it up before, but all those texts were ignored, and now he's sitting here by him and Felix isn't sure if he should talk about it.

"Have you met her?" Felix asks after a bit of debating in his head. Maybe he shouldn't put this on Chan, but he is the only one he can think of that would have this kind of answer. Even if he has to open up a little bit about the situation, he just wants to know if someone else has seen her, then Felix would know that this isn't just a cheap ploy Changbin is using to get out of a situation he doesn't want to be in. 

Felix can see the pause before Chan takes a bite, the slight bit of hesitancy as he stares ate Felix. He shouldn't have asked, if Felix hasn't been willing to let him in, and ignoring texts, then Felix should have just left it alone. But in reality, Felix doesn't know how to talk about it, or how he and Changbin are even going to work this out. The younger isn't speaking on it, because he doesn't know what to say, the words that want to come out of his mouth feel selfish and possessive. Because in reality, Changbin isn't his and he can't just stake a claim on someone who probably doesn't even want him. 

"Lix..." Chan draws, he sucks in his bottom lip, staring at the younger as though the answer might hurt him if he shares.

"No, it's okay, it's okay it was stupid to even ask," Felix shakes his head, the ache and worry shooting straight to his stomach, the discomfort churning and making the sight of his food unappetizing. 

"It's not stupid," Chan tells him, "but if you're already in a bad state of mind, I don't want to add to that. She isn't going to help bring you out of this, and hearing about her might only make it worse."

Chan has a point; Felix doesn't need to hear how great she is and how amazing she is for Changbin. But on the other hand, if he were to hear that, it might make his decision of what to do a lot easier. His answer might be standing in front of him. However, Felix can see that Chan isn't going to talk about her, saving Felix from the answer, which probably means that she is great and better than himself. 

"Hey, let's not think about them," Chan says trying to break Felix out of his thoughts, "how about we head into the living room and turn on a movie? I'll even play with your hair if you want."

Felix can't help but smile at the older's smile. Chan always has a way of making him feel a bit better, even if Felix doesn't want to. So, the younger nods at his offer, one night of letting himself forget and not wallow in his sadness will be good for him.

•••

Seungmin doesn't have an easy time sleeping in. It's actually impossible, no matter how tired he is, his internal clock will keep ticking and he will wake up around the same time every morning. Usually, he will stay in bed and hang out on his phone until he can hear the rest of his family up.

But this morning, he really wants coffee, and he knows no one else is awake to make it. Forcing himself out of bed, he moves himself from his room and into the kitchen. He still feels exhausted, he doesn't sleep well and he wakes up early every morning, making his days fairly difficult. 

He's seen his dad make coffee a fair number of times that he knows how to use the machine, and he makes sure to pout enough water in that it should make enough for the whole family. Seungmin just hopes it isn't too watery like the first time he made it. Starting it up, Seungmin sits at the kitchen table, head falling forward to rest on his arms. He's so tired, but he knows once he falls asleep, he won't be asleep for long. He can hear the bubbling and pouring of the coffee, the noise like music to his ears, soon he'll be able to have some, then his eyes won't droop as much and his legs won't feel as weak. 

The noises must have woken someone up because there is a hand soon placed on his back and rubbing soft circles into it. 

"Morning," his dad's voice sounds, "thanks for getting started on the coffee."

His dad switches on the radio that they keep in the kitchen, something that hasn't changed since Seungmin was gone and returned. He likes the news people's voices, actually. There is something oddly comfortable and familiar with it. As a kid, he used to think it was boring, but now he likes it when he walks out and his parents have the radio going. 

He can hear his father open the fridge to pull out a few things to start breakfast. Seungmin still struggles to eat as early as everyone else in his family does, but he tries to push himself. The doctors say that it will take a while, but his appetite will return to normal. That's the hope anyway, that Seungmin's body and mind won't be stuck with the Parks and gone forever.

"Do you want eggs?" His father asks and Seungmin moves his head in his direction.

Seungmin nods, standing up to go and grab a cup of coffee that is ready. He pulls down two mugs, pouring some for his father as well. He sets the mug for his dad beside him where he is cooking the older saying a quick thank you before focusing on his cooking. Seungmin returns and sits back down at the table where he was, sipping on his coffee.

"Yesterday morning police discovered a body in a park, there has not been an identification yet, but the police confirmed that it was a young male in his mid-twenties--"

Seungmin doesn't follow the full story, but his heart still races. There is nothing that he needs to be concerned about, he is a stranger in a park, that was unfortunately found dead, they never said the cause of death, so it could be anything. But Seungmin's stomach still lurches at stories like this, terrified that one morning he is going to hear his friend's or family's names. 

When the radio is suddenly turned off, the background noise that Seungmin was enjoying, he is cut out of his thoughts. His head whips towards it, seeing his mother standing there, her hand just lifting from the device.

"It's too early for something that gruesome," she says, swiftly moving towards the pot of coffee. 

Seungmin stares at the little box, maybe he should have continued to listen to the whole story.


	16. Chapter 16

The police don't share all of the details, and Hajoon doesn't know how he feels about that. It's as though a piece of his painting was cut out, or a clip from his film. He's an artist who isn't being fully appreciated.

Nothing about how the work Hajoon put in to make the individual beautiful was mentioned. Maybe they thought that was for the best. Or maybe Hajoon didn't put in enough for it to be notable. When news of Seungmin's return was flowing around through the news, many talked about how Seungmin was practically a living doll. How the family would dress him up and make him theirs to play with. If it got out how similar things happened in this case, maybe the public would think his father is back and he is skulking around once again. 

There is a part of Hajoon that hates that his father would gain the credit for his actions. He has always wanted recognition for his art, and it seems even through different mediums, he will never have it. 

It's been a few days since the body was found and Hajoon has chosen to somewhat lay low, not immediately taking another victim, even if the urge is creeping in more each day. He watches people, searching for the right one, all while continuing his work for Zico. It isn't easy to sit still and watch how it flows through the media. On one hand, there is fear, fear that Hajoon messed up and he will be found. But there is also curiosity, wondering who has seen it and what they thought. Has Seungmin watched it? Is he wanting more?

His mother hangs over him, wanting to move again, but he needs to way a little longer, give it time for it to start dying down before he strikes again. He isn't certain what his next move will be or how he will go about it, but he does know that the first one and maybe the next one is a trial run. Figuring out keystrokes of his brush that he can call his. 

"We need to act soon," His mother says. Hajoon can feel her anxiousness to move, he can tell that sitting here and doing nothing is making her jittery. 

"I know, and we will, but we just have to be patient right now," Hajoon tells her. He isn't going to be able to lay low for much longer, wanting to go out and do more than what Zico tells him to do.

•••

"Why do you do this to yourself?" Felix asks before taking a seat down beside Seungmin at the lunch table. Jisung is the only other one at the table, a similar face matching Felix's, one with concern and slight disgust.

Seungmin rolls his eyes, ignoring the other male's question. He doesn't need to explain himself. During his process of recovery, Seungmin went through a large phase of trying to scare himself, giving him more reasons to keep himself up late at night. It wasn't necessarily intentional, but he also didn't try and stop himself when he knew a story was going to be particularly creepy. It went from ghost stories to people's actual experiences with other odd individuals, to full-on murder cases. 

He can admit that maybe this wasn't the best thing for him to do, especially for the mental state he was in. But he did it and although he has mostly grown out of it, there is still the occasional story he'll hear, either on the news or from others that he wants to read more on. 

The most recent death doesn't seem to have anything too odd about it, but it doesn't stop Seungmin from reading article after article about it, gathering as much accurate information as he can about the scene. But police don't release all the information, which Seungmin can understand why, even if it does frustrate him a little to have information missing from his brain. 

"At this point, I think we just have to let it happen," Jisung comments, "if he wants to give himself nightmares so be it."

"I'm not going to get nightmares," Seungmin chimes in, "and besides it's just a story I heard on the radio and thought it was interesting."

There is a small pause before Jisung speaks up again, forcing Seungmin to look up from his screen.

"Oh really?" Jisung's eyebrow quirks up, "then why did you ask me to tell you when Hyunjin was approaching?"

Seungmin's eye land on the taller male who is walking this way with the youngest of the group. Saving the tabs, he was on, Seungmin is swift about closing his laptop, grabbing his bag to slip it into.

"Because he worries too much," Seungmin says, slightly hushed, not wanting Hyunjin to overhear him just in case he gets close enough.

"Because he cares about you," Jisung says, "don't you think--"

Jisung is quick to cut himself off as soon as Hyunjin is closer to the table. Seungmin will talk to him about it later, but right now isn't a good time. Maybe it's dumb to keep this from him, but Seungmin has good reasons for it. Mainly he doesn't want to worry Hyunjin and pull the other male away from more important matters in his life. Plus, Seungmin isn't doing anything to harm himself, so Hyunjin's immediate knowledge on the matter isn't needed. 

Seungmin tells himself that it is just a new story he has taken interest in and it won't be anything more. Sometimes there are strange deaths reported on, so really, he shouldn't be thinking anything of it. Besides he is in a particular situation that when odd things happen, he can't help but wonder if they are back. 

Hyunjin and Jeongin take their seats at the table. Seungmin shares one last look with Jisung, the older giving him a silent promise that he won't talk about it. He'll talk about it if something important comes up, if he feels like there is something he can't or shouldn't keep to himself, then he'll let the other in. But right now, it's nothing, just harmless research. 

•••

Jisung follows Felix home after classes today, he and the other haven't gotten much time together and with the other's planning on joining Seungmin in the library after their classes, Jisung thought this would be a good opportunity. Felix has kept to himself, for the most part, Jisung has noticed. On-campus he'll be social and spend time with others, but as soon as he's finished with his classes, he secludes himself, and Jisung is growing a little concerned. 

Plus, if he puts all his energy into his friend's problems, then he doesn't have to focus on his own. Not incredibly healthy, but it's working.

He and Felix used to hang out almost every day when they first met. It was a bond that happened so quick, their teachers were surprised to see how they clung to each other after a few days of knowing each other. As they got older, they had an easier time separating during school hours and they slowly began to meet people that soon became the individuals of their friend group. 

Still, there are days where Jisung misses his and Felix's time together. It's been difficult to have lately, and whole-group activities were better for a little while when Seungmin was gone. Kept everyone from staying alone in their rooms, surrounded by increasingly dark thoughts.

Felix rests his head against Jisung's shoulder on the bus ride home, his arms coming to wrap around his friend's waist. The slightly older one wraps an arm around, letting Felix have an easier time relaxing into him. 

They have to walk a few blocks when they finally exit the bus. Jisung and Felix walk shoulder to shoulder, talking about how classes are going and other random tidbits of their day. It's mellow and nice, Jisung likes the unwinding nature of their walk, it calms his mind after an eventful day of learning.

The house is empty when they arrive, Rachel and Felix's parents at work and Olivia still at school. They immediately head to Felix's room where they can set their stuff down. Felix usually gives himself an hour of rest before forcing himself to start on schoolwork, so as soon as his stuff is down and things are a little more mellow, he is stretching himself out on the bed.

"Move over," Jisung whines, pushing at Felix's shoulder as he tries to crawl next to his friend. Felix rolls, inching himself closer to the wall his bed is pressed against, allowing Jisung to slide in next to him. 

They lay facing each other, Felix's eyes opening and closing as his body prepares for a nap. Jisung pokes him every time his eyes fall shut, but Felix still struggles to keep them open. School is very draining and all he wants to do is take a nap, no matter how much work he still has to do for tomorrow. 

"Lix we have to study," Jisung speaks, "don't fall asleep."

"Mm not," Felix mumbles, his voice falling as his body sinks further. 

Jisung smiles at him, letting Felix's eyes fall shut again. Allowing him to take a quick nap wouldn't hurt and it seems like Felix needs it. Plus, if he stays awake, he can still make sure that Felix doesn't overdo it and sleep through the evening. Jisung relaxes into his friend's bed, he pulls out his phone to give himself something to focus on and increase the chance he won't fall asleep. 

•••

The younger is given forty-five minutes before Jisung wakes him up. As peaceful as Felix looked and Jisung would have liked to allow him to sleep longer, it simply wasn't something that he could do. They both still have a fair amount of homework to do and if they start soon, they won't be up into the late hours of the night trying to finish it. 

"Lix," Jisung says, poking his friend in the arm. Felix only groans a little in his sleep and slightly shifts, but there is no telling as to whether he woke up. Jisung tries again.

"Felix," He says, nudging his friend in the arm, shaking him softly. 

"Hmm, what," Felix's tired voice mumbles, eyes not opening. 

"It's time to wake up, we have work to do," Jisung tells him, moving so he can roll off the bed, causing Felix's body to jolt even more. 

There is a soft groan from the younger which makes Jisung left out a soft laugh. He wonders if Felix is getting enough sleep at night with everything going on. Jisung knows that he is struggling with it since his dad is in town. But Jisung also is concerned about Felix's schooling, the younger needs to be able to get his work done so that when he comes out of this and into a clearer spot, he doesn't have a pile of stress to deal with.

Jisung goes for his bag, pulling out a few books and putting them on Felix's desk. When he looks over, the other is staring at him with tired eyes, the younger not wanting to move from his warm, comfortable spot on his bed. Jisung can see the small look of emptiness, the weight Felix is carrying right now, and Jisung wishes that there is more he can do for him.

He returns to the bed, sitting down and letting Felix take some more time to wake up. Jisung knows that Felix has been reluctant to talk about everything with them, but he wishes the younger would. If Felix would be willing to open up just a little, then maybe his friends could help. But Jisung is going to push it, he wants Felix to talk about it when he feels safe and ready. 

"I just want everything to be over," Felix says, a slight rasp lacing his voice as the sleep slowly washes away.

"I know," Jisung responds, shifting to the side so he can have a better view of his friend. The younger shifts so he can rest his head in Jisung's lap, Jisung quickly adjusting and bring his hand up to Felix's hair. 

They sit in their comfortable silence for a while and that is how Jisung thinks it is going to stay. Felix will always hint at his emotions but rarely elaborates. He will seek comfort, but rarely let the other person in on what they are comforting him for. It's hard to see the obvious pain and know that their friends don't feel like they can talk about it. But at the same time Jisung sort of gets it, he still struggles opening up about his issues, especially when Seungmin has gone through something far worse. The younger always says that his own experiences don't invalidate the others, and a part of Jisung knows that's true, at least when it comes to other people. When it comes to him, everything he will tell his friends no longer applies to him. 

Jisung strokes his friend's hair, trying to keep a close eye on the time. They do eventually need to start doing their work, but if it needs to be pushed off for more important things, Jisung can plan for that. But it's been really hard to be able to tell when Felix is going to open up. He sets up the environment almost perfectly, but then never follows through. 

There is a small whimper, almost too quiet for Jisung to hear. He would have brushed it off if it wasn't followed up by a few more. His full attention is on Felix, the older male looking down and trying to capture the expression on the younger's face. 

"Felix?" Jisung asks, even though he can feel the tears soaking into his jeans, "what's going on?"

The younger is making no more audible sounds, and Jisung can tell he is trying to pretend that this isn't happening. But this is what weeks of holding your emotions in does. Eventually, everything needs to come out. 

"Lix, talk to me please," Jisung says, his tone softening, trying to bring as much comfort to his friend as he possibly can. 

The next thing out of the younger's mouth is muffled slightly by his hand and Jisung doesn't know if he can bring himself to ask the younger to repeat himself. It's hard to speak sometimes when you're this upset. Jisung rubs the younger's back, trying to coax the other to sit up and speak to him. He wants Felix to be able to open up about everything, but also to take his time. 

It takes a minute or two, Jisung doesn't keep track. Everything else they needed to get done has been pushed down and Felix flew straight to the top of his priority list. He wonders if the younger has talked to anyone about this since it's started. Jisung knows Seungmin got a small dose, but other than that Jisung thinks that Felix has been mostly silent. It's concerning because he should be able to vent and talk about everything going on in his mind. 

Felix finally uncovers his mouth, but he doesn't shift to look at Jisung. He keeps his face out of view, making it slightly easier for him to speak.

"I feel like he ripped me down the middle," Felix begins, his voice wavering at the threat of more tears, "I love him and he took that and threw it back at me." 

Jisung doesn't know if he is supposed to respond or if Felix just wants him to listen. So, he stays quiet for now, allowing Felix to get out as much as he likes. And if at the end the younger offers it up, Jisung will put his thoughts out. 

"I always thought that what happened with us would make me too emotionally unavailable, that my own issues would get in the way too much," Felix continues, "I tried really hard to leave those behind, but even when they got in the way it seemed like Changbin didn't care, but I guess I was wrong. He wanted someone a little more put together, and even at my best state mentally, he still decided he wanted someone different."

Another pause, but this time Felix doesn't speak up after a little bit. The silence is drawn out and Jisung has to juggle with the idea of whether or not he should speak.

"I think Changbin messed up," Jisung speaks, trying to be careful with his choice of words, "I think that you didn't deserve what he did to you and he should have handled it differently and should have known that this was going to hurt you. But I don't think that what he did makes you useless or that no one will ever love you because that's not true. You are an incredible person Felix and I want you to be happy with someone who cares about you."

"I just don't know what to do," Felix says his voice faltering again, "what do I say to him?"

Jisung pauses, he knows what he wants Felix to say, but he doesn't know if Felix would want to do that. Jisung thinks that the younger needs a small break and that Changbin needs to leave him alone for now. It's going to suck, Jisung hated it when he and Minho were on his break, but it did end up bringing them closer and although there were probably better ways to deal with their issues, it did end up working. 

"Give yourself some time," Jisung says, "let Changbin go and allow yourself to focus on you. He can figure out what's going on with him, but you need to focus on you and let yourself get better. We love you Felix and all of us just want you to be happy."

Felix sniffles at that, but he knows Jisung is probably right. He should let Changbin go and give himself some time to heal. But he doesn't like the thought of it. Sure, he has been avoiding Changbin, but he's still here, he isn't gone and Felix feels as though if he cuts this line, he will never get it back. 

"Yeah, you're right," Felix responds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took so long. Updates might be a little slow for a while, school is pretty draining and I don't have much time for writing right now.


	17. Chapter 17

It takes him a while, but Felix does work up the nerve to text Changbin. It's a Saturday afternoon and he finally has a breather from schoolwork, but he still needs to handle this large, pressing issue. After being able to open up with Jisung a little more, Felix realized just how guarded he has been the last couple of days. He still hasn't talked to the other about this, but he will when he finally puts it to an end. Maybe it won't completely disappear, but the thought of being left behind will hopefully no longer be weighing him. 

Changbin is quick to respond, Felix expected that. Even though the idea of having to talk to him right now makes him sick, he has to. Felix knows that it's time to end this and finally be able to take a breather. Felix shakily responds to him, asking to meet either today or tomorrow. It feels too soon, but it needs to be over, he can't do this any longer. 

It isn't surprising when Changbin pushes meeting today, Felix expected it even if the idea makes his stomach churn. He accepts and a part of him really regrets it. Because now he has to sit at home and wait. He continuously checks the clock, it getting closer and closer to when he needs to go, and with each passing minute, he feels more anxious. 

The next time Felix checks the clock he decides to start walking, he will most likely get there early, but he is too jittery to sit around and wait any longer. grabbing his wallet and keys, Felix heads towards the front door to put his shoes on. His family is all busy with their own weekend projects that Felix figures he'll text his mom on his way out the door, instead of going and interrupting. 

He keeps telling himself that this is going to be good for him, this is going to reduce his stress levels and he won't have it continue to pile on. Felix has no idea how Changbin is going to react, he assumes the older won't be happy, but Felix can't think about that right now. This is his decision and Changbin isn't going to change his mind. 

Changbin suggested meeting at a park that is nearby Felix's house, which Felix agreed to. He really hopes it is semi-crowded today because he isn't sure he can do this when it is so quiet. Felix isn't worried that Changbin would physically hurt him, he would never be worried about that. But a place with more people gives Felix an easier escape when he feels like he needs one. 

Felix walks slow, trying to increase the amount of time it will take him to walk there. He fiddles with his phone in his hand, while actively trying to get himself to keep moving forward and not backstepping. All he wants to do is run home and hide, so he never has to do this. But Jisung is right, this is something that has to be done, he has to talk to Changbin and he has to end things before he gets hurt even more. 

When Felix arrives, he is disappointed at the number of people out. He knows it's getting colder, but there are still a few more warm days ahead of them, people should be taking every opportunity they can get. But all Felix can do is remind himself to breathe and that everything is going to be okay, even if deep down it doesn't feel that way. Felix sits on a bench, that his further away from the playground than he likes, but he figures he should challenge himself. Instead of giving himself an easy place to run, and actually hear Changbin out, no matter how much it will hurt. 

This is it; this is the moment and Felix can't turn back. No matter how many times he checks his phone and looks around, Changbin is still going to be here and he owes it to himself to stay and talk to him. 

Another deep breath in and Felix does another look around, only this time he doesn't see the random families and people walking through. He does see Changbin making his way towards him. There is a smile on his face when he sees Felix looking at him and the younger has to fight off the reflex to smile back. 

His nerves take the chance to skyrocket again, his brain overwhelmed by the other. He goes over things he wants to say to the older, hoping that in a few seconds when he actually has to say them aloud, he'll be able to recall everything. This feels like it's happening too fast, Felix wants to go back and never call Changbin, push it off for another weekend. But he can't and he knows it's best to do this now, to cut away the dying limp that now just hurts. 

Felix takes once again, another deep breath, Changbin now within talking range. He doesn't stand up, he stays seated on the bench, his eyes glancing again at the older who is much closer to him. When Changbin finally takes a seat next to Felix, so close that Felix can feel his heart so little summersaults, the older speaks.

"Felix," the older breathes out like he is releasing all the stress he had and feels so relieved, "I'm so glad you texted, I've been wanting to talk to you for so long."

Felix can only nod his head, still trying to find the courage to say what he needs to say. This is going to be difficult for both of them, but it's the right thing for now. It feels sort of like a movie, and Felix can't help but hope and want for this to be a major arch in the plot, that eventually they will find each other. But Felix's life isn't a movie, he is real and what is happening right now is very real. 

"I've missed you so much, you don't even know how--"

"Changbin." Felix doesn't exactly realize that he interrupted the other, his brain is too focused on wanting to get this over with and go home. He wants to say what he needs and have Changbin accept it and then they can both be on their way. Felix wishes life were that simple, he wishes that this moment was going to be simple and smooth. 

The younger finally lifts his head, eyes meeting with the dark brown ones of Changbin's. Every memory, every feeling is flooding back to him and he isn't sure he can handle this as well as he has hoped he could. Letting him go would feel too real, feel like it was finally the end and Felix would have to move on. But it's for the best, isn't it?

Felix can barely bring himself to look Changbin in the eyes as he speaks, "I don't really know a good way to say this, honestly there isn't a good way to put this at all. So, I guess I'll just say it."

There is a small pause, Felix taking the time to try and get his words together. He debated just saying it outright or trying to dress it up a little. But Felix doesn't really know how or what he could say to make what this is better. He's sure there isn't really a way even. 

"I think..." Felix takes a breath, "I think we need to take a step back, to stop seeing each other beca--"

"No!" Changbin intrudes, forcing Felix to look away, "We can't--you can't just decide that for us, we need to talk about this. Ignoring it further isn't going to make it better. Felix, you can't just run away from this."

It would be so easy for Felix to give up without really putting up much of a fight. To let Changbin take the lead and drive this how he wants. But Felix remembers there may not even be a Changbin and him after this, Changbin may decide he feels otherwise and goes to the new person he has found. All Felix would be doing is waiting and hoping that the other will choose him and they can continue on again and that's not okay. 

It's time for Felix to take a stand and make this happen. Force Changbin to deal with the consequences and not just give in and let him have everything.

So, the younger fervently shakes his head, "No, Changbin I can make this decision and I have. It isn't fair for me to wait and hope that you'll come back. It hurts to see you with someone else when I thought you genuinely cared about me--"

Felix can see when Changbin tries to interrupts, but the younger doesn't let him. making his words stronger and louder.

"You need to figure yourself out and I get that, but it is unfair to drag me along and force me to watch you and this other person be so happy with each other. I need to be with someone who is sure, sure that they want me and are not going to be looking around and waiting for something better to come along."

And there it is, the words Felix didn't want to say. The things that he knows will make a difference, that will force Changbin away from him while he tries to heal. He hopes that the other will understand will respect what he wants and try and focus on himself as well. 

A large part of Felix wants to leave Changbin with a kiss as he sees in the movies. Like he'd be planting the seed for him to come back. But he doesn't, he leaves with a whispered goodbye and teary eyes. Felix leaves feeling guilty with the sense of being free waiting in line behind it.

When he is far enough away, he pulls out his phone, texting Jisung and thanking him for everything. He needs to talk to the other, tell them everything about what is going on, but right now he needs a break. Right now, he wants to sit in his room, play some music and forget about the world for a second.

•••

Jisung gets the message while sitting in a coffee shop waiting for Minho. The older is a little late, but it isn't a big deal, he had to finish up some homework which held him back longer than he wanted. 

He smiles at his phone happy, that Felix was able to get that out of the way. He hopes that everything will start to even out again, and they can go back to having a normal life without the outside world trying to concave in on them. He texts the other back, telling him that he's happy for him and to go home and get some rest. Juggling multiple things in life can be exhausting and everyone needs a break. 

Jisung sets his phone to the side, taking another sip of his coffee. He's glad that he ordered Minho and iced coffee, that way he won't have to worry about it getting too cold. However, he is a little afraid that all the ice is going to melt and it is going to be too watery. Jisung tries not to worry about it too much, it's a small thing and the older will hopefully be here soon. 

His eyes wander aimlessly around the shop. It's fairly busy today, but luckily most people are grabbing their order and leaving. Jisung likes when he and Minho have the place mainly to themselves, then he doesn't feel so bad about taking up space for a longer period of time. 

He looks at his phone every so often, waiting for the text from Minho that he is here or almost here. Nothing comes in the time he wants it to, but he can wait. Jisung doesn't mind when school holds the other back, but he does often wonder if the older is overworking himself. But then again school is just like that, with homework and projects it often seems like no one ever has free time and when they do it feels odd like you should be doing something you forgot about. 

Jisung looks up again and a part of him wishes he would have kept his head down to be on his phone, at least until Minho got here. The familiar figure that can only be his father stands in line to order, seemingly having not noticed Jisung yet. If it were more crowded then Jisung could blend, duck his head and pretend that he is just another face in a coffee shop. But no, most people are outside, and only a few have stayed to keep warm and charge their laptops. 

He is bare and if his father has any inclination to turn his head, Jisung will be spotted. And he does, Jisung turns his head to the side hoping to not be recognized. But even after the few minutes when Jisung turns back he, unfortunately, makes eye-contact with his father. 

Jisung wants to hide, every inch of himself is frozen and he doesn't know what to do. He should have known; he should have expected this. Jisung hoped that his father would have given up by now, would have left and he would never have to worry about him again. But he was wrong, very wrong. 

His father approaches and Jisung is still sitting there light a deer caught in the headlights, wide-eyed and panicked. He really wishes Minho wouldn't have been pulled back, wishes school wouldn't have made him late, wishes that the older could just be here right now. Minho has never met his father, but it wouldn't matter, Minho would have been a good excuse as to why Jisung doesn't have time to talk. But the older isn't here and it appears that Jisung is alone and it's a perfect opportunity. 

"Jisung?" His father speaks when he gets closer to the table. The voice still sounds the same, has a similar tone as when he said goodbye. Bitter and hurt is what Jisung is feeling, the man shows up out of know where and wants to see him, wants to know him. He never cared when Jisung was younger, why would he now?

There isn't much Jisung can do now, his father is by his table, he is sitting down across from him and Jisung looking the other way isn't going to make him leave. So, he sucks it up, swallowing whatever lump was building in his throat and stares at his dad, sees the man's somewhat sorry eyes. He knows what he did, he knows Jisung doesn't want to see him, yet he is still here sitting in front of the sun he turned away years ago. 

Jisung isn't sure what to say, or if there is anything he can say. His father being here is too much right now, but he doesn't know how to tell him. A part of him wishes that he could let the man back into his life, but it isn't that easy. There is still a lot of trust that needs to be rebuilt. 

"I'm glad I ran into you," His father speaks, it's light and easy for him like this is normal for him to do.

"I've been wanting to talk to you," he adds, "Your mother said to give you space and I know that this is probably really sudden for you, but I was hoping that you would listen to--"

"To what?" Jisung interrupts, the bubble of anger he was pushing down for years finally starting to ignite, wanting to choose this moment to explode.

"To tell me why you thought leaving was the greatest idea ever, or to tell me it was the worst mistake you've ever made and to beg for my forgiveness? Whatever it is, I'm not interested."

Maybe it was a little harsh, or maybe it wasn't harsh enough, Jisung will decide later, but right now he doesn't know what else to do. Being faced with his father is a challenge that he isn't ready for. 

"I know you're angry and you have every right to be." Jisung hates how calm and collected his father is, hates how he isn't wavering in the slightest. Jisung doesn't know why, but he wants his father to be upset and hurt, to tell the younger how much of an idiot he has been, but nothing. It really is like leaving was the best thing he did.

"I would just like to talk to you if you're willing, I know that's hard, but if you give me ten minutes, there's something we need to discuss," He tells Jisung, "I'm--"

Another interruption, but this time not from Jisung, but from the call of Jisung's name. Minho makes his way over, not registering the other man sitting there, eyes solely focused on his boyfriend who he left waiting for way longer than he meant to.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," Minho says, leaning down to give his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek, Jisung's eyes immediately falling away from his father. This has never been discussed and this probably wasn't the best moment to let his father in on this. 

It isn't until Minho pulls away and is turning around that he notices Jisung's father, who looks just a surprised and confused as Minho.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know someone else was here," Minho says, eyes falling to Jisung's who is still looking away. 

"It's all right," Jisung's father speaks up, his face morphing into a friendly smile, "I was just leaving."

Before the man stands up, he turns back to his son, Jisung still looking out the window to avoid eye-contact. 

"Your mother has my number, please think about it," is all he says before he leaves with a small nod and his coffee in his hand. 

Jisung still doesn't pull his gaze from the window, even with Minho's voice so close and sweet. There is something that churns within his stomach and now he just wants to be home.


	18. Chapter 18

Everything is dark and his body hurts. The ground feels hard and solid like cement, the uneven areas scratching at his skin. He can't remember what happened, only little bits and pieces coming to him.

He was walking home, his friends had just parted from him and he had a few blocks left to go. But before he could make something knocked him down and he doesn't know what happened after that. But the binds on his wrists and ankles are a terrifying indicator that he never did make it home. 

The man struggles against the binds, not being able to see anything because of the soft material tied firmly against his eyes. His heart races as panic begins to build up inside of him, his legs wiggling as he attempts to move out of the hold. It's useless, he knows it is, but he has to try, afraid as to what will happen if he stays here. 

All of his attempts turn up fruitless, legs and arms tired from the constant movement with little room to do it. This is it for him, he is going to die here. Never in a million years would he have thought that this would happen to him, would walking home alone be so dangerous, but here he is. His breath is shaky and he can feel tears build-up, his stomach hurts and he just wants to sleep, to be unconscious for everything that is going to happen. 

A few soft whimpers leave him and he tries and curls himself up in a ball, needing to feel warm. Needing to feel safe, even if it is only for a second.

•••

"One gentle stroke," Hajoon's mother instructs the boy following her exact word. This is much better. Someone so calm and submissive gives him a perfect amount of time to practice.

Hajoon likes who he has, not speaking one word to him. It gives him the ability to imagine him as someone else, to let his head wander. He knows the voice won't match, no one will. So, when they are quiet and calm like this, it lets his imagination run a little deeper. 

"You're getting good," she tells him, "soon you'll be just like me."

Hajoon smiles at that, the thought that he can be that good. He likes art, this medium is a little different, but it's bringing him closer to his mother. Setting down his brush, Hajoon takes a step back, looking at the slightly average work he did this time, but at least he has improved. 

The other watches Hajoon with terrified eyes, unsure of what the next move will be. Hajoon doesn't plan on rushing this one, he needs a little time to practice. He looks over to his mother, watching as she examines his work, it's not perfect but there is always time to get better before the time comes. 

"I think it's time to go," his mother tells him, "we can always come back tomorrow for more practice, but it's late and I want you to get some sleep."

Hajoon nods, taking another good look at his piece before turning away to pack up. He places every item used gently back in the bag, not wanting to destroy what was his mother's. His mother waits atop of the stairs for him, as he finishes getting everything together. Doing one last scan of the room, Hajoon's eyes wander up to the person huddled on the floor.

This may be the closest thing he can get, but one-day Seungmin will be with him again. And hopefully, if everything goes well, that day will be soon.

Hajoon slides the bag on his shoulder before turning away and walking up the stairs to meet his mother. She smiles at him gently before both of them leave, closing the door behind them. Hajoon takes lead, making sure no one is around so both of them can get out unseen. 

Pulling his hood over his eyes, he makes his way out on the street, his mother right alongside them. They stay quiet on the walk home, cautious of anyone who may be around that they don't know of. 

It isn't long when they make it home, Hajoon allowing his mother to enter first. They make their way up the stairs, landing on their floor which is empty. Everyone should be asleep with how late it is, so Hajoon plays it safe and quietly walks down the hall to his door.

As they near closer, Hajoon goes to dig his key out of his pocket. He is tired, and sitting for that long never makes him feel good. But it needed to be done, he has to practice somewhere. Fitting the key in the lock, Hajoon is broken away for a second.

"You've been gone a while." Hajoon turns his head towards the voice, Momo standing a few feet away, leaning against the door frame to her apartment. Hajoon doesn't see her very often, only when she brings him food and feels like teaching him something to make. 

But something about her presence makes him grip the bag he is holding onto tighter, bringing it closer to his body.

"Yeah, just needed a walk," Hajoon lies, he doesn't need to answer to her. She is just as secretive as him if not more. They've both probably done some not great things, that doesn't mean they need to swap stories. 

Hajoon returns his gaze to the door, turning his key to unlock his apartment. When he looks up Momo is still staring at him, her expression is unreadable and it's annoying. She doesn't need to know; it doesn't concern her. 

So, Hajoon puts on his best blank face before making eye contact and saying, "have a good night."

He enters his apartment, closing the door behind him. Hajoon notices the looks his mother gives him, disapproving and skeptical. But there is nothing he can do about that, he can't make Momo go away, plus he doesn't need Zico looking further into what he does outside of his work for him. Momo doesn't have to be a threat, if Hajoon works at it, she'll learn to leave him alone. 

Entering his room, Hajoon moves over to his bed, kneeling. He removes the bag from his shoulder and gently wraps the available part around the rest, securing everything inside. He moves a couple of things out of the way, before sliding it into its spot under the bed. He needs a better place to keep it, but for now, this is what's going to have to work. 

Hajoon is quick to wash up, wanting to pass out as soon as possible. His mother stays with him as he gets ready and watches him as he begins to fall asleep. There is something different about her presence now than before. It's calming and Hajoon can easily sleep with her here, something that Hajoon never thought he would experience. 

•••

"How does someone so young get wrapped up in this?" Hajoon pauses for a second, startled by the voice of the other. He has been so quiet over the last few days that he wasn't expecting him to start talking now. 

The question is something that Hajoon has occasionally thought about. Wonders how this happened, why he took this route. But he doesn't like to think about it often. He would be placed into a system with a poor history and to him, living life like this was better. Hajoon wouldn't be forced to leave and he could still stay close to people he wants to stay close to. 

But now he needs to stay hidden for other reasons. He has mixed himself up in other things that popping back up now, wouldn't be good. Hajoon shakes his head at the question.

"I'm not that young," he says, he is nearly thirteen, he knows what he is doing and he can take care of himself. 

"Maybe, but you're young enough that something really bad must have happened to push you into this," the other says. 

Hajoon liked it when he would sit there and tremble in the corner, at least then he wasn't talking. This guy wouldn't understand what is going through his head, wouldn't get why he needs to do what he is doing. No one will. 

"You're awfully chatty today," Hajoon comments, "what happened to the wide eyes and closed lips?"

"I figured if you're going to kill me," the guy starts, "then what's the harm in at least finding out why?"

This causes Hajoon to turn around at the man, looking a bit startled by his reasoning. 

"Why would you want to know something so horrible?" He asks, not really wanting to know the answer. The more this guy talks the more he becomes human in Hajoon's mind. 

The guy shrugs, he doesn't want to know, but he is going to die ad gaging how soon might bring him some comfort. Or maybe if he talks to Hajoon enough then the boy with grow a little bit larger of a heart, see the wrong in what he is doing and end it here. But the guy knows that it is all dreaming. 

"I'm not going to be here much longer, right?" The question makes a shiver run along Hajoon's spine, "so why not vent? I would literally be taking all your secrets to the grave."

Hajoon isn't sure why, the casualness of this conversation makes him uncomfortable. This man should be scared, not interested in getting to know you games. He shakes his head again and turns back around to get his materials ready once again. His mother isn't here today, making Hajoon a little sad, but hopefully, he has had enough guidance that he can do this on his own. 

The boy doesn't respond, instead of gathering his things and moving closer to the other male. He doesn't know if he should answer, his father certainly wouldn't. But what about his mother, would she see it as a way of divulging the horrors she has committed, but never letting them leave her at the same time. It feels wrong to talk about it, to talk about Seungmin to anyone else. Seungmin feels like someone only his family should be able to talk about, which is why discussing it so freely with his mother feels better. 

"How old are you?" the guy asks.

Hajoon doesn't bother to look up, placing everything he needs gently beside him, "that's not important."

He really doesn't like this question, he's old enough to know what he is doing. Hajoon doesn't need every adult asking him the same thing over and over. It is beginning to get on his nerves a little bit. 

Hajoon grabs a brush and begins his work, even with all the questions suddenly popping up, at least he's still during the process. There is a part of him that thinks it could help, talking about it, the only thing is this would have to be over sooner than he wanted. Hajoon wanted a little more time with the individual and he could have it, he'd just have to continue ignoring and doing the thousands of questions. 

But so much is building up inside and he doesn't have anyone to spill it over too, to help take away much of the weight surfacing on his chest. Hajoon intakes a big breath before moving on to the next step, needing to try and rid himself of those thoughts. He just needs to wait, he will have someone he can talk to soon, he just has to be patient for the time being. For now, he has his mother, the woman who is helping him through this difficult process and she is going to have to be the one to hold his hand until Seungmin is here.

Once the gorgeous male is back in his life, Hajoon will be content. Worries will slip away and he will be left in a world of joy and happiness. But he has to get there, he has to follow these steps, or he will never be able to make Seungmin come back to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, the next update might be a bit as well. I'm draining with some family stuff at the moment and I need some time. Thank you for understanding.


	19. Chapter 19

Although they see each other every day for lunch, it feels as though it has been ages since all of them have sat down and talked. Felix can't remember the last time they all piled into his room and vented about the things going on in his life. It must have been when Seungmin was gone, but it feels good having the final edition to their family. 

Felix is glad that he was able to get everyone here, he also knows he is carrying a lot of blame in this because he has been particularly closed off over the past few weeks. But he wants to fix that, he wants to let them in and let them know what is going on in his life. And Felix hopes that they are willing to do the same.

Jisung and Jeongin cuddle up at the end of Felix's bed, while Felix sits at the top, throwing some pillows down to Seungmin and Hyunjin on the floor. It feels like they are back in high school, only this time it's complete. Felix knows that they all go through times when talking about things can be hard, but the others are always there for them when needed. 

This time feels a little different. Everyone has something on their mind, and everyone is choosing to keep it to themselves, not wanting to undermine the other's issues. It's hard to discuss these things, especially when it feels like a competition. But Felix has had to tell himself to stop thinking that way because this isn't a competition and just because your thing may not be as difficult to manage, doesn't mean it is any less important. 

"I'm sorry I haven't been a very good friend recently," Felix starts by saying, he can see the other's protests in their eyes, but he doesn't let them interrupt.

"I know I should have been more open with you guys about how I felt, you're my friends and you would have been there for me," Felix continues, "I shouldn't have shut you out especially when you were just trying to make sure I was okay. It wasn't fair, I should have at least allowed you to try and comfort me, but I was so down that I couldn't even do that."

Felix pauses, knowing he needs to tell them about Changbin. He has already told Jisung and a part of him is saying that's enough. But it's not. The others have tried so hard to help him, that he needs them to know what is going on, especially when it involves someone, they were all getting close to. 

It's going to hurt to say again, Felix has avoided saying it out loud. Although it is already a reality, he still has a hard time getting the words to leave his mouth. 

"Changbin..." Felix releases a deep sigh, "I ended things with Changbin."

His friends don't say anything, but he can see the sorrow in their eyes that they have for him. Although they didn't like how much pain he brought their friend, they still know how much Felix cared for him. So, letting him go must have been really hard on him. 

"I should have let you guys in sooner, but I didn't really know what I wanted to do," Felix tells them, "a part of me hoped that if I ignored it for long enough it would disappear, that everything would go back to normal."

"You don't need to apologize, Felix, we get it," Jisung says, "you were going through a lot, it makes sense that you would want to shut down for a little bit, no one is mad at you for that."

The other's nod in agreement, offering kind smiles to their friend. Felix smiles back, feeling grateful that he has friends who are understanding. Yet, he still feels a tad bit guilty. Even though he is working on it, and it is getting better, him complaining about relationship problems still feels so small and insignificant compared to other's problems. But Seungmin looks like most friends would, caring and sad for their friend, not annoyed by the other's problems. 

"We're glad you told us," Seungmin tells him, "it must have been hard to do that, so we're happy that you seem a lot better now."

Felix's smile only grows, he is happy that he has amazing friends to help him through this. Seungmin is also right, he does feel a lot better, letting Changbin go was the right decision. He sort of hates that his brain wants to allow him back, but he also knows that is just how it is going to happen, that's who he wants, at least for now. 

"I know it's a little silly to drag you guys over here to tell you that, but I thought it would be good to have everyone together for it," Felix says, "I've missed being able to hang out with you guys like this." 

"It's not silly," Hyunjin tells him.

"Yeah," Jeongin chimes in, "we need to be able to do this, and if you ever have something to talk about, feel free to call us over anytime." 

It is warming to hear those words, maybe they never were falling apart, but just sitting still. They weren't moving closer, but at a halt which made it seem they were dropping off the edge. Besides, when everyone has something to deal with, it is hard to allow other's issues to float around your thoughts as well. Felix knows that they may not be able to do this all the time, but he is happy that they were all able to come together. He doesn't like the idea of them being torn apart again, a devastating thought that has been on his mind a little too much lately. 

Luckily, Felix isn't dragged down too far into that thought right now, his friends pulling him away from it. That's the thing about these circles when one person goes it inspires another to speak. It is a place that everyone can open up when something is nagging at them. 

"I ran into my dad the other day," Jisung speaks, his head lowered to look at the pillow he pulled into his lap. There is a shakiness to his voice, not showing that Jisung is scared of his dad, but perhaps scared of what the man can do now that he has returned to the boy's life. The others never knew much about Jisung's father, he was just that parent that was around when they went to Jisung's house. He never did speak much, but Jisung never had anything bad to say, on the outside, it seemed like they had a good relationship. 

But now they see a different picture, a picture of a boy who is torn up and hurt because of how his father handled a tough situation. Jisung doesn't talk about it often, mainly because it brings up memories about what happened to Seungmin and that is a difficult subject for everyone. 

"It was brief, but it still felt weird. Him being here, in general, is weird," Jisung tells them, "I don't really know what to do about it, but I know I don't want to see him. But--"

There is a small pause where Jisung needs to take a quick breath. 

"But I don't think he is going to leave until I do talk to him and that makes me feel...I don't know, scared? Uncomfortable?" Jisung tells them. He isn't sure how to describe the feeling. Maybe a small part of it is fear because he did see him with Minho and the older boy wasn't the most subtle about their relationship. That is an area that his father would have had to stick around longer to figure out, an area that Jisung isn't sure about his stance on. 

He can feel Jeongin move closer, the younger boy wrapping an arm around his friend. A part of Jisung wishes he wouldn't have said anything, this was supposed to be Felix's time to vent, but it also felt good to get out. He feels bad when he brings this up with his mother because he knows she still holds some of the same scars. His friends know the history though, yet aren't nearly as hurt by the other man's actions. They can be there for him when things get really bad and Jisung needs help. 

"Sorry," Jisung shakes his head, "this was supposed to be for Felix and--"

"No no, this is good," Felix interrupts, "we've all been a little distant from each other, this is what we need. You don't have to share, but if there is anything on your mind you are always welcome to talk about it."

Jisung smiles at the other, reaching for his hand before giving it a gentle squeeze. Felix really is one of the most kind-hearted beings on this planet. Jisung hates that they have all had to endure so much, but he is glad that they've kept their kindness and love with them. 

"Thank you, Lix," Jisung says, the younger boy scooting closer to rest his head on Jisung's shoulder. He can Felix Jeongin wrap his arm around Jisung, the younger pulling them both into a hug, while Seungmin and Hyunjin stay on the floor staring at them with bright smiles on their faces. 

There is a moment of moderate silence, for the boys to just sit and be content with getting things off their chest. It isn't always easy to talk about, and everyone is going through pretty different things. But Felix is happy that they can share now and they don't always need to feel like hiding their true feelings.

"I also wanted to tell you guys something," Jeongin speaks up after a little while, unsure if this is really the right thing to do. He has always hated leaving his friends in the dark, but he isn't sure how supportive they will be.

Jeongin pauses for a bit giving himself a second to think about if he wants to change his mind, but he doesn't he wants his friends to know even if they won't be too thrilled about it. "I've sort of been dating someone, well more than sort of I guess..."

Jisung and Felix pull away from the younger a little, just to be able to look at Jeongin's face. The younger feels awkward with all his friends boring their gazes into him. Jeongin doesn't like that they look at him as though he has been keeping the largest secret ever, but he also gets it. He has been so quiet about it that there haven't really been hints into this part of his life. So, them all hearing about it now, would be a little shocking. 

The youngest of them all can see how the others are trying to wrap their brains around it all and figure out a response, he probably would too if one of his friends did this. Jeongin knows he needs to give more detail, but he is still struggling with the fact that Sunwoo isn't exactly the kind of boy he can easily bring home to his parents. Just like they would probably disapprove he knows that his friend would too. 

Hyunjin is the first to finally break out of the confused silence, "Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

Jeongin needs to look away, the small bit of guilt growing. He shouldn't have to feel ashamed, it just another part of his life that he chose not to share, and the more he feels his friend's gaze on him, the more he is wishing he would have kept it to himself. But Sunwoo is also a factor in this, Jeongin knows he is tired of being kept in the shadows and wants to be more significant in his boyfriend's life. 

"Well, um, he isn't exactly someone you'd expect," Jeongin tells them, taking a deep breath before speaking again, "I met him a while back when...when Seungmin was still gone."

Jeongin pauses to gauge their reactions, so far nothing concerning other than the wide-eyed expressions. 

"He sort of has a connection to people who know about what goes on in the dark, and when I first met him, I thought he could help me find out where Seungmin was."

That's what made it tip, what made his friends concerned, protective reactions hit. But it's okay because that is exactly what Jeongin expected. He expected Hyunjin to tell him that this man isn't safe for him, Felix and Jisung to say that he deserves someone better. And maybe they are right, maybe they aren't, honestly, Jeongin tries to ignore Sunwoo's past and just see how he makes him feel at the moment. 

But what Jeongin did not expect was Seungmin. Seungmin sitting there so quietly, so thoughtfully almost like he is thinking a problem away. It was interesting and Jeongin wonders what is going on in his head to make him not as concerned with who Jeongin is spending time with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is so late! Updates are still going to be a bit slow as I try and get through this semester, but I'm going to do the best I can.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little warning, this book is going to be more graphic than the last, there are some themes that are going to be added as well as things brought back from the first book. So just read with caution, but other than that I hope you enjoy it.


End file.
